Noree's Blog

WWW: Where Were We?

2011-08-01T20:57:00.000+03:00

Last post: April 20. It's not even that bad, there's still hope!

No need to defend myself, I've simply been hit by summer laze. Plus an increasing disgust towards internet and socializing websites. All the virtual tragicomic drama faerytale fantasy makes me wonder if there's anymore real life left. Especially when hearing about old acquaintances no longer visiting the places you use to meet at, events being moved away or cancelled and me, I'm stuck inside sobbing that life is too expensive and ridiculous. Plus some extra disgust towards the consumerist society that wastes, wastes, wastes and then destroys while in other countries people are literally starving to death. And that has added me a slight coating of cynicism.

And I feel old. Or better said, unaccomplished. Perhaps I'm ungrateful, but it pains me to see younger people already making it big while I struggle on the traditional path of higher education and then, if luck grants it, a job. Perhaps I'm not as pretty, skilled or even not as smart, but I cared a whole lot more! And still, they don't want people that care, they want people that are fun to stalk. That's where I went wrong...

What else can I do or say? I shall slowly accept my faith, secretly hoping that all of a sudden someone would notice me waving and shouting "hey, look over here, I know some tricks too!". And hope they're not gonna shoot me dead for thinking too much....

P.S.: Did you know that in most countries there is more money allocated to a prisoner's maintenance (food, cleaning, staff, energy and even TVs) than the average working person's salary? Money that comes from the taxes paid by those same working persons. And then we wonder that crime still happens....Please someone, buy me a one way ticket to the Moon!

Why Is London Sunny?

2011-04-20T17:48:00.001+03:00

Ooooh, what a marvelous time for little fairies to find a nice flowery corner in a park and just snooze away! I sure would like to do that (I wish I had my own house with my own little garden. Boo! :( )

That one would do ^^

Anyway, I'm in London for Easter break. And it's incredibly sunny and warm! But I'm a busy little bee, doing my internship at Volt Magazine/Areia agency and helping a bit with Lipcote as well. It's nice to finally get a proper glimpse of the fashion industry in London. It makes me feel like our course in Newport is so detached from it's reality, almost as if there we have our little sandbox in which we play while the teenagers party at the beach. It's sure going to be interesting when I finish uni... Although at the same time I'm thinking if I really want to get into all that madness, perhaps I'm too fragile for it and like to do things my way a bit too much. It will probably be a make or break thing, they'll either love my style or hate it, whichever it will be, I'm the one who's gonna takes the blows in both cases.

My life ideas are slightly backwards to today's society. I love that, but I don't want to starve because of it. I'll have to trick it somehow and make it all work...

A Not So Long Update

2011-04-15T18:50:00.001+03:00

Aaaah, time flies by so fast! But this time it has been more work than fun! But I can't complain, a bit of work does the spirit and the body good. I've been photographing at London Fashion Week for F.A.D, photographed a campaign for H by Harris, read some books, designed some clothes, started work on a corset and travelled up and down. I wish I could tell you more, but I have to run back to work, so here are some photos from behind the catwalk at FAD's LFW:

Ugly

2011-01-06T14:30:00.000+02:00

I'm ugly, you're ugly, she's ugly, he's ugly, they're ugly. And if they're not, they've been photoshopped.

Yes, I'm angry at the world. Again.

I'm so tired of hearing people name others "ugly". Usually they don't even know the slightest about the person, they just steer themselves by personal preference. I know, people are subjective, but it's annoying when they have no manners. And it's ridiculous when they motivate their actions by saying they're elitists. At least if they had an extensive knowledge and not only be stuck-up. I know it's they're problem how they act, but when they preach on me, it becomes my problem as well.

So, ugly. Too many people seem to think that their view on what's ugly and what's not is the absolute truth. But this general idea of beauty and ugly is so relative and so season-changing that it can have it's own science dedicated to it (well it probably does have). Just look at recent fashion magazines: obvious grotesque inspired photos featuring eyebrow-less models with ridiculously high cheeks and gaps between teeth. No offense to the models, but 10 years ago it would have been considered ugly, yet now it's all the rage. It's like magazines are screaming "ugly is beautiful", yet people still dare to call others ugly. Oh, the wonders of "civilized society"...

You know what I think is truly ugly? Hypocrisy and the lack of humanity.

Hypocrisy. One step from corruption and 2 steps from cheating. Even I'm guilty of it at times (and I slap myself for it every time). It's everywhere and seems to be cureless. It usually transcends in preferentialism, which is when I hate it at most. If 2 persons do the same thing, one of them is popular and the other not so much, the popular one will get loads of praises and be considered a genius, while the other poor guy will get dust shoved into his eyes. That's probably because the popular person will always reach to more people, meaning more chances for someone to like her/his work, but it's also because people are easily influenced at times. Well that's not the strongest example, but it's a common one. It happens daily and all around.

Lack of humanity. Now this saddens me the most. Someone said (on deviantArt...oh, the irony) something along the lines of "we're not paid to tell you things nicely". Seriously, WHAT?!? Since when does kindness require payment? Since when is being elegant and mannered such a strenuous thing that one would require remuneration to even contemplate it? Isn't humanity a good enough reason anymore? And why do people keep motivating their bitterness with honesty? Going around and throwing dirt into people's faces isn't being honest, it's being and uneducated brute. I'm honestly expecting people to grow fur and claws and to start stalking prey - other humans - from behind bushes.

I'm off to listen to some music. And sleep. It's becoming a better world even in nightmares, because they're not real. But this nightmare that humanity is heading into, sadly, is...

Aren't We Old By Now?...

2011-01-04T15:09:00.001+02:00

Yet another year has become history. How come we're still counting? Christmas is gone, New Years Eve is gone... So now we wait for the next. The optimists would say it's not a circle, but a spiral.

But anyway, here's a pic of me on New Years Eve, already feeling sleepy at midnight..

Did you all get nice Christmas presents? Did you party well? And did you put on weight?

Merry Christmas And A Happy New Year!

2010-12-24T14:33:00.005+02:00

I hope you all have a great, magical time, with plenty of snow (but not so plenty as to close the airports :P ), colorful sweets and lots of presents!

As for me, I'm in France, cursing the art history essay that won't write itself and waiting for my love to come over (oh, the fun and the magical photos that will come out of it!). Yes, I'm excited about Christmas, but even more so about New Years Eve!

P.S.: If you remember me saying about the photo shoot for Dunne&Raby, here are some of the photos on their site (click on them to see them bigger). See if you can spot me, I'm actually in more than one photo, just well under disguise *giggle*

Gloomy Days, Sunny Days

2010-11-25T20:15:00.000+02:00

It's been a peaceful month. Warm, pleasant, only a few rainy cold days. The perfect month to fall in love. Yes, wristband has been cut off for quite some time now and the ice has been slowly melting away. Perhaps it shall be a long Spring this time...

I've been steadily working on other stuff as well. I had a pretty important work placement. I bought a violin. I borrowed a sewing machine. I've got loads and loads of ideas of things I could do. And I still constantly mess with my hairstyle. I'm trying a new diet and watching how my plans of future slowly change. I've been happy, yet melancholic and so bringing back some of my old style. I've even experienced hauntings. And I've been reminded how much I love walks in the morning-drizzled forest or around frosty lakes in autumn's dark evenings.

There's plenty to see in the smallest things. Thinking I haven't done much I actually realized how much I really did. Things I'd be too busy for normally, but for which I was longing.

And I'm still doing a good job in uni. :)

Meet Me In The Rose Garden

2010-10-23T00:34:00.001+03:00

I finally got around editing those last photos form France, so here they are! Enjoy! :)

On a different note, I've assisted and modeled on a shoot by Jason Evans for Dunne&Raby. The photos will go in an exhibition in Holland, France and probably other places. I'll add dates and places once I find them out, in case you want to go see the results. And you should really go!

UK

2010-10-11T11:26:00.000+03:00

I'm back in Newport and already have classes. Good thing is I like the house I'm staying in way better than the campus. Other than that, I'm a bit terrified by the new university year. Meh, I want to be a child again :( Oh and I still have some photos from last week in France. I'll put them here eventually :\

Zombie Ice Cream

2010-09-25T17:00:00.003+03:00

Halloween is getting closer and chance made that I "invented" a mushy green (but very tasty!) ice cream. Invented aka I was playing with food like I usually do and ended up with something interesting. And because we love sweets, I made it again and took some photos and now here you have a "wannabe" tutorial/recipe for it:

First you need pistachio and hazelnut ice cream that has nut bits in it (or you can add chopped nuts yourself)

You put alternating layers in a glass or small jar and add mint syrup

You mix it a little so that you get an uneven mushy paste (so I meant it when I said a little!)

After that I also added a bit of plum sorbet that I pushed into my paste to look like sections of meat

And as the final touch, I added a jelly decoration

Creepy look, but yummy taste!

Chasing Rabbits

2010-09-17T00:33:00.003+03:00

Getting bored is dangerous for me. Good thing I usually find something to do! :D

When people ask me why I love France, one of the first reasons I give them is the parks. They are so well tended, always full of pretty flower arrangements!

Oh and by the way, that dress was one of my lucky finds. You know how big cities have a street with shops full of really expensive stuff? Well in Tours, one of the shops was closing and everything was on sale. I paid 10euro for that dress (it was the last dress) and it's a lush, soft and flowing black velvet. I've got no idea what the original price was, but shops around had prices of at least 3 digits. Eeks!

Enjoy What You Can

2010-08-27T12:24:00.008+03:00

Well, dear fairies, my birthday has come and gone, I had a small private party to celebrate, had a cute and delicious cake and saw a star fall! And I've made a small video out of the photos. :)

Then I went to a team photoshoot on Sunday and Monday. You'll see some photos on deviantart, with the details of who did what. It was a fun photoshoot, too bad someone in the team couldn't appreciate the fact that I had put in a lot of effort, not to speak of money spent on car gas and make up and my experience and knowledge that I've put to work freely. But, what's done is done, no need to complain since I've got some pretty decent shots of which I'm proud and I can finally say that I have improved my skills. And I've also discovered that me and dad make a quite good team. And then I've been having some nice photoshoot ideas lately, if only I had the time to do them before leaving back to France. But, no problem, I'll do them whenever I'm back. Plus I've discovered a special, astonishing appartament and I've been told I'll be allowed to make a shoot in there next time I'm in Romania.

And if you ask me of what impression the country made on me during this month, then I've got only one thing to say: it deserves it's fate. Everytime I complained about something being wrong, I've been told "well, this is Romania" in a way that sais it's normal for everything to be wrong in Romania, it's normal that things are unfair, uncared for and worse than ever, because that's what Romania stads for. Don't expect to pay by card or to find good roads, don't expect people to respect you and to keep things clean, this is Romania. That's all I've been hearing as an excuse! Well as long as people think like that, I'm sorry, but nothing is going to change for the better! Plus that the country expects to be treated as part of the EU when it doesn't treat the EU citizens the way it shuld. For example, my student card from UK was accepted in France without any problem, I had discounts and free museum entries. And I'm sure it would be recognized in any other EU member country. But no, not in Romania! In Romania they can not YET recognize any other student cards than Romanian ones. Then I go back in the West and cry that I'm not treated fairly and don't have the rights of other people for the fact that I'm Romanian. And of course I don't have them, if Romania treats them the way it does, the only problem is that it's not something I have established (the "rules" of Romania), yet I'm the one to suffer for them. And there are many others in my sittuation and I'm just sick of this whole deal! Sometimes I feel like moving on the top of a mountain to be simply a human, not a bank account, not a photo on a piece of paper with my name and so on....

Week Update - I'm Growing Old!!! :(

2010-08-18T18:27:00.002+03:00

If you're wondering how Artmania was, then all I say is that you should've been there. My trip to and from Sibiu was quite good, luckily the train had conditioned air (it was from Budapest, that's what caused the miracle). The weather was quite hot, but overall not as unbearable as it was in the past years. And the concerts were very enjoyable (hell, they were all great!). As for me, first day I got interviewed, while second day my feet had an argument with a wet floor (and the wet floor won, the evil thing) so I ended up with my ankles bandaged and walking like an albatross. But such minor incidents don't keep me away from high heels. And being forced to sit down more, I met Serj and Aylin in the hotel's hallway (the hotel had comfy couches)... Anyway, to wrap it up, it was good. Maybe not as good as it could've been, but good nevertheless. (And if you've got photos with me, send them over please. Especially dancing ones, I'd like to laugh as well.)

Now to move on to our more important, tragicomical and long forseen event: my birthday. Okay, it's been all in good fun thus far, growing old, "getting smarter", partying with friends, becoming of age and whatever not, but now it's just getting depressing! 20?!?! 20 years old?!? When on Earth did that happen? So I've got until midnight to enjoy life and then it's hello, walking cane! I'm exagerating, of course (hope you've figured that by now), but still, when did all that time fly? I don't want to be a grown up, I want to be a child, play with Barbies and dye their hair all sorts of colors instead of dying mine. But, drama aside, at least I'll have a good reason to stuff myself with cake. One must love cake! And I intend to decorate it myself, since I'm turning a round number.

Sooo, since a birthday (especially one with a depressing number) calls for gifts, you've got a donate button there on left for you to send me whatever amount of goldies/greenies you want oooor my wonderful, shiny wishlist o'crappy usless things that would make me feel better about myself (except for the camera lenses, those are not crappy and useless and are pretty much the biggest desire from the list *blink blink - tip tip*) from which you can purchase things and they'll get sent to me. Everyone who donates/buys stuff of over 10$ will get a copy of a limited edition digital book of unseen photos and poems created by moi (the book will be done somewhere in mid-end September). So you're getting something in return :)

Anywayzzz, take care little fairies and remeber that spam lurks in every dark corner! (Forgive me, it's just old age maddness, already moving in) =P

Out And About

2010-08-11T15:41:00.002+03:00

Well, I can't believe I've already been in Arad for 2 and a half weeks! Time really does fly! (someone chop it's wings off...)

So, the usual: new photos on my deviantart, if you're curious. And I've got a massive load in the message centre, many many works that I need to look through, but it will have to wait until next week.

I've also made 3 chokers that I want to sell, you can see them on the Elixium deviantart page (I will take them with me at Artmania, just in case).

And I have taken some photos of Ana from HighStreetCardigans and you can see them on her site (clicky za linky!)

Aaaand tomorrow I'm leaving to Sibiu, for Artmania. I still don't know if I got the Photo Pass so I guess I won't bother taking my camera if it's uncertain wether they'd let me in with it. Less weight to carry this way :P I'll just borrow my friend's compact. And I'm also in a "Panic, please!" state, since I've only finished one dress and have one more to do, which will probably mean no sleep to night. Why, but why am I such an idiot? I knew I should have started early. I guess I just work better under pressure. Anyway, if you see me there, feel free to come and give me a friendly poke (and that does NOT mean breaking my nose :P ).

And that's about it for now. Wish me luck with the dress, so that I don't have to come wearing my PJs...

Summer Photos

2010-07-30T16:02:00.000+03:00

So, I've finally caught some wifi on my laptop and took advantage to upload some of the photos from the ocean. The city is Les Sables d'Olonne. There's also a picture of me fooling around, a baby seagull, an incredibly sharp hologram and some shots from the castle that once belonged to Madame de Montespan, the favorite mistress of Luis XIV.

Enjoy! :)

Romania

2010-07-27T15:54:00.002+03:00

Yes, I'm back in my hometown! The plane had a delay of 4 hours, but I guess that's what you get when you have to travel low cost. Anyway, the good thing is I've got a month ahead to meet up and catch up with friends, take photos, take some more photos, create the things I've designed, go to Artmania (if you're going as well and want to meet, leave a message ^^ I might be taking my camera as well so here's your chance for a picture ;) ). A hectic month that I'm going to enjoy (although it only took one day to remember why I left in the first place... some people are hopeless...)!

In any case, don't expect me to be very active on my online accounts this month. Beside the fact that I've got loads to do, I also depend on a wireless Vodafone modem for internet (which is locked to only work on Windows Vista and my dad's laptop is the only one who has it... and it's veeeeery slow) and whatever wifi I can catch on my Mac in the town center (kind of inexistent too and I'm not going to spend hours in McDonald's just to browse online). But I'll try to reply whatever is needed in a timely manner.

P.S.: The ocean was lovely and the weather great. I took some pictures in one of the evenings, I'll see when I get the time to do some edits and post them here.

Interview

2010-07-09T19:55:00.001+03:00

I have been interviewed by EGL Magazine and you can read the online article HERE . I am very thankful for this opportunity! And be sure to have a look around the rest of their site, it's worth it!

Other than that, there's not much news now. I'm going to the oceanside in a week's time and after that I'm off to Romania. Where I'm going to be a busy bee. Already have shots lined up, trips, parties, meet ups. All to be done in one month. I can't wait! :D

Have a good weekend, little fairies!

P.S.: My book is on summer sale. See the badge on the leftbar to navigate to it. Get it while the discount lasts! :)

Thoughts of the Day

2010-06-25T21:45:00.003+03:00

1. Although I have now reached my ideal body weight, I still feel fat and still sigh after last summer when I was under-fed and my chest bones were showing.

2. With all the food that goes to waste in a week in Occidental countries you could feed the people in really poor countries for a year. Probably.

3. Instead of wasting their energy on grieving over dead celebrities, some people should concentrate on supporting new-coming artists. No offense!

4.

5. I want my sewing machine. I want my sewing machine. I want my sewing machine...

(P.S.: No. 4 is an intentional blank. I have many blank thoughts. Blankness is one of my main occupations, a very good alternative to laziness. I sometimes call it revolt against clutter. Because the world is obviously getting more and more cluttered.)

(P.P.S.: 6. Wet floors are evil!)

Well, that was short and refreshing, wasn't it? :D

Not Another Paper Doll!

2010-06-23T15:47:00.001+03:00

I woke up with a headache that still persists despite the Paracetamol I've taken an hour ago. And when my head hurts, I usually start to remember all the things that have ticked me off recently (very helpful for the pain, no?)

Well what has annoyed me now? The same old: society. And the direction it's heading in, thinking that that's the right path to Utopia. But instead, it's pushing toward a point where individuals would be annihilated. Paranoia is the main reason. Because if you seem mysterious, you may be hiding something dangerous. So everyone must know every single detail about you and your activities. Privacy: zero. And the sad thing is that some people are happy to share it. Especially on sites like Facebook, thinking that they are some sort of celebrity if people follow their every movement. But must one share absolutely everything with people that perhaps you hardly know? What happened to mystery is more attractive? Stupid frightened people, that is what. It's true that there are some who wish others ill and have tried to destroy things, especially with all the immigration happening. But is terrorism a good reason to reduce humanity to dumb puppets? To sheep that walk on thorns although there is fresh grass right next to them and who wait silently and orderly for the butcher to do it's job? You can't even raise your voice these days, especially not in front of 'authorities', because they'll call security on you. Just because they are not prepared to carry out that conversation and would rather use physical power than the power of words. Who cares that they deny you the right of speech? They want order and peace, no? And who cares that animals have ended up having more rights than us, humans? That whenever people see a dog or cat or whatever in strain, they all go butter-hearted and start condemning the guilty, but when people are in worse strain, nobody cares.

I'm sick of such thinking. I have a voice of my own and I will not shut it for the sake of anyone and anything when something is clearly wrong. I will not be just a doll that other can play by the strings however they want! I have a personality and I'm not going to trade it for a 'perfect' world where the small people are unimportant and do blindly what they are told while the leaders full their bellies undeservingly and laugh at us. I will always fight with what they fear most: true words!

What to Do When You've Got Nothing to Do....

2010-06-14T18:05:00.000+03:00

I've searched for the rainbows, but they were drowned in crystal water, somewhere far away, somewhere behind me. (ailes du papillon. i'm still tied down) Tell me, what do you do when you've got nothing to do and nothingness is what you fear the most?

Prelude 69. For the brain.

Chartres

2010-06-02T21:47:00.002+03:00

This time last week, my parents and I went on a little trip to Chartres. It's a nice city, they might be moving there next year. It's somewhat smaller than Tours, but it's closer to Paris.

Relaxing at a terrace, waiting for food.

The view from the terrace

Finally, my dish: Croque Madame & Frites

Yummyness in a Chocolaterie Macaronerie

Azay Le Rideau

2010-05-25T13:01:00.002+03:00

This weekend I've been to the castle of Azay Le Rideau, on a splendid (although too hot) weather. Quite a mesmerizing 'little' place.

Awesome pool room in the castle (and, sadly, the only room worth photographing - others were kind of empty)

On a different note, Yves Rocher got a little star from me for their -50% offer and the free mascara for fidelity card holders. I'm currently obsessing over the lipstick I got from them (It's a shimmery pinkish, but it smells like strawberries. yumm!) and that mascara (which is blue. quite awkward. and that's why I like it). Well, since it's summer, I can afford to be a bit vain about beauty and fashion. Especially after an year of plainness. After all, it's my job to be interested in these things if I am to photograph them. Don't worry, I'm not going to turn into a bimbo. I prefer the classy side of these things.

P.S.: I added the Pearls Before Swine daily comics at the bottom of the blog. I find them hilarious. Enjoy!

Botanical Garden

2010-05-21T18:18:00.006+03:00

Been to the Botanical Garden of Tours yesterday. I must say, I loved it even more, now that it's so full of flowers! That place is huge, me and dad spent about 3 hours walking around in it.

And I bought myself froggy-eye glasses (£1 in Primark...hilarious!). They look so funny on me!

France

2010-05-20T12:26:00.003+03:00

I'm back in the lovely Tours, where it's sunny and warm and really nice. The trip was eventful again, as some people had decided to do a manifestation in Paris Montparnasse, so the whole train station was closed and we had to stand waiting in a huge crowd for 4 hours, without food or water or access to a bathroom. And the stupid thing was that the police was blocking us, paying travelers, in the hallway instead of getting rid of the manifestants. And it was 10.000 people waiting because of 50. To be honest, we should have gone ourselves to take them out, would have been piece of cake. But the people seem to have lost their revolutionary spirit. They didn't even say a thing to the authorities. Perhaps the romanian way of shouting and pushing past the police would have worked better in this case (would have certainly solved the problem faster). So after having left at 5am, I finally got home at 11pm, all shattered (good thing the bed here is comfy).

And guess what I did the first day here? Ate ice cream, but of course! :D (mmm, rum with raisins and pistachio!)

Exhibition Inspired by Nature

2010-05-16T20:31:00.002+03:00

Three photos of mine will be in it, along with some words I've written about them :)

Go see it if you have a chance, if not for my photos, then for the other artists showcasing their works there.

Lolita

2010-05-14T05:15:00.004+03:00

For my own therapy.

Flower mustache? :P

A Bit of Sunshine

2010-05-13T04:04:00.003+03:00

There has actually been a bit of sunshine today. Except for the one hour I've been in town. When it had to rain. And I had forgotten the umbrella in another handbag. Little black cloud following me?

But the bit of sunshine is actually in my mood, which has improved drastically this evening. Part because my project is 90% percent done. Part because I've also found myself a house for next year. And because there's so little left until I go to France and I can finally start thinking about personal projects, 'coz the course requirements have somewhat thrown my photography style in a direction that I'm not amazingly happy with. I've been fighting as I could not to hit into 'mainstream fashion photos' (although what's mainstream in fashion photos today? Little bastards don't know what to come up with anymore so they've been gorging on alternative and ethnic styles. For the sake of 'originality'. Ok...let's say I'm not gonna go there). So I'm a bit confused about what I want to do at the moment and I need to sort that out.

Other reasons that made me brighten up was the fact that I've realized that I've stopped taking care of me. Ignored the growing roots of my hair, ignored my nails, pretty much wore just a pair of black jeans and whatever shirts would first come into my hands and be warm enough. And all of this happened because I hardly go out. All the money that I'd spend on nights out and beauty items and hell knows what when I was in highschool has now went on accommodation and uni fees, so I can't afford the same amount of lushness anymore, but it's also that I don't like going out around here. I'm not a fan of seeing students act dumb in pubs from all the alcohol they've had. And I'm not a fan of having walkabouts in the permanent bad weather, especially when it's rainy and windy (and it's only 10°C. In May!). So being closed in between 4 walls with a computer as window to the outside world and spending most time reading, listening to music and watching movies or tv shows doesn't require much beauty care, now does it? And that was contributing to my misery. So I got angry, cut my fringe back in (and cut it the way I have it in a photo from when I was 3 years old, a small way of saying 'my past and my memories will always be part of me and I'm proud of most of them'), filed my nails, dyed my hair (although that's still a 'site under maintenance') and bought some new cute and posh lingerie sets which made me feel really good. Plus it was time I snapped out of this lethargy, summer is coming, there will be lots of exciting things to do!

And I've also thought about the dresses I want to make myself for Artmania. I really hope I'll get around doing them, since the sewing machine is in Romania and I've got no clue when I'll get to it. One of the dresses is meant to be my brown and white rococo gown modified and turned into an edwardian line with victorian/rococo influence and the other should be (again) a sort of edwardian/victorian style, but black with green.

P.S.: I need to get a nice pair of white lacey stockings...or hell, more than one. I love stockings.

*

2010-05-11T13:53:00.002+03:00

Lately it's been very quiet... Haven't done anything interesting apart from attending the tattoo convention in Newport, going on a small trip to Bristol (and that town seems much nicer than Newport, even if there's lots of hills to go up on and my feet were in pain) and working on my last project for uni and looking for a house for next year. And Tuesday I'm going home (to France, that is). Can't wait for it! So hopefully I'll be having more news for you this summer. If not, I'll just succumb into peace and relaxation, spend my time reading, designing clothes and accessories and having photoshoots. I don't mind.

P.S.: Any models that can come to Tours (France) this summer and would like to do a shooting, leave a message pls. I'll be in Romania as well, but don't know any certain dates yet except for when Artmania is. So see you later, kiddo'z!

News

2010-04-19T17:16:00.000+03:00

So it's been some time since I was 'supposed' to write...do forgive me, I have been..ahem...lazy...

Starting from where I left you, Holland has been a dream! I can say that weather was acceptable overall. And Middleburg is a lovely city, sort of medieval looking (at least in the centre). It was mostly a week of relaxing that I really needed since I was feeling so bad in that period.

Then for the Easter break I've been in Romania so hello old friends and familiar places, hello my big puffy bed and good food. And my parents came there after Easter as well so all nice and good. Funny thing was that I had no egg dye so I drew with crayons on the 4 eggs that I boiled for myself (Easter alone is no fun). And I went to the theatre, went to some concerts, took photos - just the casual stuff you do in a holiday.

Now I'm back in Newport for one month. I've still got an essay and project to do. And then the plan is probably France, Romania in June (maybe I'll go to Bucharest, Cluj, Sibiu and maybe other places as well, just to meet up with people, visit the place and take some photos - so anyone in the areas, if you want a photographer or model, let me know), then France again, Artmania and my birthday in RO in August and Manchester in September...and woosh, there goes the summer holiday...but there's still relatively long since then so plans are most likely to change.

And the band failed since the guitarist didn't keep a promise when he was supposed and after that he couldn't take the consequences...so I'm out. Too bad since I've put quite a lot of myself into that project. Anyway, I figured I should wait until I set down somewhere before starting another band as it's rather complicated to keep up when I'm away for months.

As for the Catharsis community, once I'm over with the uni projects and I've got the summer ahead, I'll start doing some work for it.

First Week of Adventure

2010-03-12T19:54:00.001+02:00

Last week, on the 4th of March, Devii finally arrived in Newport. I had been looking forward to that day since December! So after an (almost) unslept night, on Friday we went to the uni, since I had to go to some workshops (I finally learned how to scan negs). Saturday was really fun, we went to the cinema to see Alice in Wonderland in 3D and then we went to see Legion as well (hilarious the last one...I mean really, old ladies walking on the ceiling? posessed by angels turned evil because God had enough of humanity? ooook...), then we pretty much went in every food store we found on the way. Sunday evening we met with Ana and Cata and we went to some of their indian friends who cooked for us. It was the first time I ate indian food and it's gonna be the last time as well. Waaay to spicy for my taste. Monday was shopping day and I kind of gave up in front of a purse, so I had to have it. I'll probably have photos with it some time soon. It's really adorable. And finally on Tuesday we went up to London. Spent most of the day in Victoria Palace, looking around in shops and eating chocolate chip brioches. And the concert was extraordinary! Mandragora Scream, Lacrimas Profundere and The 69 Eyes (heaven, I tell you...). I got pushed all the way around, but it was worth it. And at the end, the guitarist gave me his guitar pick (the advantage of standing out...heheh). It was a magical moment (ok, ok, I know, I'm excited like a drooling teenage girl, but it's not every day that you get noticed by someone like Bazie). Sadly, I wasn't allowed to take photos without a pass and we couldn't go to the after party either as we had to go to the airport.

So now I'm in Holland, freezing my ass off the same way I was in the UK (I thought Holland was generally warmer...guess not with the ruined climate of these days). But I'll tell you more about it next week...

:)

New Project

2010-03-04T02:22:00.003+02:00

I got really angry so I decided to start a community. A proper one! I've named it Catharsis Corner and for now it's only got a facebook page, but I've got big plans for it! It's going to be for intelligent people and true artists. For those who really have their wheels spinning up there.

Why? Because there are too many people "creating" art just for the sake of doing something and not for it's true expression and beauty. Because that kind of people get promoted only because they are willing to give others what they expect, because they turn art into an automatism instead of a unique process. Because they are more interested in contemporary pleasures and their loose morals stain the elevating powers of real art.

Well, I for one, want back the Catharsis. I want back the purity, I want back the elegance, I want back the knowledge. And I'm sure there are many more like me in the world, feeling suffocated by the multitude of what has now become a "normal", "average" person. That's why I've created the community. And yes, it's going to take long to get it up on it's feet, but I've got lovely Ana helping me. And when some stuff will be set, we will start making admissions for membership.

And the final goal? Helping real artists get together and promoting them. And then events and soirees. And heaven knows what else. But it's going to be special and it's going to be big! And it's going to be 10 times damn better than getting drunk on a Wednesday night!!

Martisor

2010-03-01T04:28:00.002+02:00

Happy 1st of March, my lovelies! ^^ May the snowdrops and daffodils bloom for you!

From Around

2010-02-25T00:58:00.002+02:00

I haven't been very happy since last week, when my granny passed away and I couldn't go to the funeral, but the fact that I got to meet up with romanians who live around has kept me going and somewhat closer to home.

For one, I'm really happy that I got to spend some time with Ana and Cata who are second years in PFA and loads of fun. And I was quite surprised that me and Ana have so many common likings. So bring on Friday for some pancakes and movie fun!

And there's also friends of mum's friends (lol...friends of friends...) who work here and have spared some of their time to have a chat with me and look after me.

But even so, I can't really find my strength to do the work I'm supposed to do... Well, I'll pick myself up in the end...

Anyway, I've been offered the opportunity to publish in a monthly magazine and I said I want my section to be made of one photo and one poem. And who knows, maybe if it all goes well, I might expand to more, like interviews, reviews, stuff... If not, maybe I'll start something myself. I just feel the need for something a bit more cultural around here. I'm sick of all the students who's only interest is to get drunk on Wednesday night (and on all other nights, if possible). And I want to write, but I feel I lack the drive for it...

As another note, it's just one week until my dear Devii is coming over! Yay! That shall be mental! And then we'll go to see The 69 Eyes in London and then over to her place in Holland for a week. I've been waiting for this since December! And there's gonna be loads of photos :D

Oh and just a small rumor before I leave you. On the 18th of April I may be singing "From Beyond" in opening for Angelspit at TJ's. Keep your fingers crossed that they do come over! :D

Yet Another Sad Day

2010-02-11T21:08:00.002+02:00

I was really happy when I got maximum credits for the first module at uni and wanted to write a happy post, but unfortunately I can't.

And that is because the british designer Alexander McQueen has died today. It's said he committed suicide. This is really sad, he made brilliant stuff for Givenchy.

I don't get it why so many great people are dying lately. It's scary. I wish 2 criminals would have died instead of each, there's plenty of them. Would have done a good to the world. But like this, there's going to be less and less people to admire. And I so wish I would have met them one day and that I would have had the opportunity and honor to listen to them and think "wow, they are truly smart people". I wish I could have learned more things from them, about life, about work. But I guess I won't be able now...

RIP Alexander McQueeen

What do we dream of...

2010-01-21T20:41:00.001+02:00

...when we lay in the corn fields of our minds, to watch clouds pass by and throw fishing rods to catch them as opposed to when we sink in our own black cave of the heart and paint it's walls with fire?... Isn't it the same dream?..

But what do I dream of? Am I even entitled to dream? And what is that loud sound that always wakes me up when I'm just about to open the back door?...

We are awkward beings, us, humans. Sovereigns of the atoms that float around us, yet slaves of the ones living inside us. We twist, we bend, we walk on the tip of our toes or bang with the heels on the pavement as loud as we can. And just now and then we look over our shoulders just too realize that all we left behind are a few footprints in the dirt, that will wash away with the first rain and then you'll have to start walking again while the ground is not dry yet. But we are blessed with forgetfulness and plenty of refreshing rain. And with a stubbornness that no one can equal. And we try to forge our dreams on the likes of imperial palaces. When we finally run out of land to build on, we set to conquer foreign ones and to demolish any traces of architecture that doesn't suit our own taste.

And the world just watches us and smiles. But what will the world dream when all eyelashes shall be entwined?...

P.S.: I adore this lady's music:

Snow

2010-01-14T03:26:00.004+02:00

I've neglected you. I'm sorry. I blame it on the snow.

So yes, I'm back in Wales. Eurostar was 1 hour late, but hey, at least it got me to London! Then I almost missed my coach because of the crowdedness and the busses moving way too slow. Yes, I should've taken the tube, but obviously the ticket machines had to not accept cards that very day and obviously I had to be 30p short in coins...oh the irony! And the ticket office had an endless queue because of that. I didn't have time for it. So anyway, after a long time (meaning about an hour) on the bus, "admiring" the huge number of people going into stores (it's sales time, so go figure) and almost arguing with the driver (he was so rude...I had only asked him how many stops were there left and he went all berserk on me. Sheesh), I finally got to Victoria. Then ran through snow, dragging my suitcase after me with the laptop bag on one shoulder and the camera bag on the other. No, it wasn't very pleasant. But at least I caught the coach right in the last minute.

So yes, it's still snowing here. A lot. Uni got closed today because of it. Hopefully not tomorrow as well, 'coz I've got an essay hand in!

Aaaaand tomorrow is recording day! My band's got some demos which sound really cool, so we'll see how much we can do tomorrow. Exciting! And once we'll have a few songs, we'll put up a myspace for you to check out, so stay tuned!

P.S.: Check out The Barn comics!

Happy New Year!

2010-01-02T01:35:00.003+02:00

May you all have a brilliant 2010!

Du Pain et du Vin

2009-12-23T16:35:00.021+02:00

Latest

-favorites:

*band: Diablo Swing Orchestra
*music album: Mozart L'Opera Rock

*site: Liqurious
*fragrance: Darling by Kylie Minogue

*advert: Tiffany & Co.

*flower: amaryllis nymph

-sad news:

*death of Brittany Murphy...she was one of my favorite actresses :( may her soul rest in peace!

-films watched:

*Avatar

*Narnia 1 (but in French)

That's pretty much today's summary. I've been watching films, going through sites and went shopping. And just living in the feeling of Christmas. On the 25th I'll be in Paris, so yay for photos of Tour Eiffel :D And Sunday I'll go with my parents to see a 4D movie at the Futuroscope. Should be fun (I hope they won't throw bird piss at us or stuff like that... it's supposed to be realistic, right? with wind and rain and everything :)) ).

And since I have been a busy girl and you all deserve some Xmas presents, I have 2 videos for you. (More substantial presents when I'll afford them :P )

Now before you start throwing dirt in my eyes for my singing not being perfect, please keep in mind that this was a project that was intended for a different outcome: a song with meaning rather than a song that just sounded nice. Lovely Stitch who asked me to do guest vocals for him had this song put aside and I totally loved it. And since he asked me to write lyrics in Romanian, I thought I might as well make them worth it. I have spent more time on writing the lyrics than on rehearsing and recording. And the whole thing was done in one evening, because it was the last chance to get it done before leaving to France. So in the future, we'll probably re-record and add backing vocals, but until then you'll have to look beyond my singing faults. After all, I only sang it 3 times before recording. And then, what is art? Just something pretty? Or something that may be very banal but with great, deep meaning?

Snake Charmer - Alia Noree

Annun Saah | MySpace Video

This other video was done the next day after the dance show me and the girls did. It was very kind of the guys from Acsa Productions to make it for us. It's not meant to be something professional, it's just for the fun of it. (Seriously, some people need to learn how to relax and just enjoy things...it's not like I'm asking you money to watch or listen to any of my stuff, so why do you have to get pissed off for it and be so harsh? I'm perfectly aware of my faults and I can only learn by doing this kind of try-outs. Being mean doesn't help either of us)

So, yeah. Enjoy and have a good time wherever you are, whoever you are with!

Joyeuses Fetes a tous!

P.S.: I can has Xmas wishlist?

Finally Home

2009-12-22T20:01:00.004+02:00

This is going to be a long update... and if I keep up this way, I'll soon be able to write an adventure novel! Sheesh...

I think the last 3 days have been the biggest adventure yet. Yes, it took me 3 bloody days to get from Newport to Tours! Any more cancellations and I would have resorted to borrowing a horse and riding all the way to home. And maybe cross the channel in a submarine or something...

So I left Saturday at 6am from Newport on a coach to London. I was supposed to get the Eurostar train at 12:30, but when I got to the station, surprise-surprise: all trains for the day were cancelled. I got kinda freaked out since I had no idea what to do then and I really wanted to go home to my parents. So I probably spent about 3 hours just wandering around, hoping they'd tell us something better. Eventually they said they'd be running a few services next day, but letting people on by a first come-first served basis. That meant I had to find a place to stay over the night and come back very early. Luckily, my mom has a friend in Romania who's son is in London, so he let me stay with him even if he had a flight first thing in the morning. So it was all fine, I had a warm place to stay at. Even got to watch Narnia 2. Then in the evening, the guy took me to a party held by some Romanians. It was a great atmosphere and almost everyone there could speak Romanian, English and French. Was quite posh, actually. And they had also made typical foods like mici, sarmale and mamaliga. And my luck was that there was a French guy at the party who should have taken the Eurostar as well, but had decided to go by the ferry instead. I say luck because the next day the trains were still cancelled so I knew what to do. Went to the coach station at 9am, had to beg everyone to let me skip the huge queue for tickets because the coach was leaving in 15min and when I got on, another shocker: the driver said he would probably not be able to get into Dover because of trafic and he would certainly not be able to go to the ferry port which is closed anyway. But thank goodness, right when we got to Canterbury he got a call telling him the ferry port was open again and he could go there.

At the port I met 2 guys who should have also been on the Eurostar and they were kind enough to help me get to Paris from Calais. So we had to take a taxi from from the port in Calais to the train station, run with all the luggage to catch the train and then change station in Lille after only one hour on that train. But then we were finally on our way to Paris. As if things could have gone right from then. Of course the train had to be one hour and a half late, making me miss the last train going to Tours. At least my dad had come to wait for me in Paris, so I wasn't alone. But I was so tired that I could hardly stand. It was mom again who was the saviour when it came to finding a host. And next morning we finally could go home, unfortunately the only train for which we could get tickets was the one at 4pm. At least we did get home eventually.

So it was a hell of an adventure. I caught a stinkin' cold and my body feels broken to pieces, but at least I got to meet many people, see a fairy tale like snow fall in London, have a fortune cookie tell me how sociable and entertaining I am, swear at the underground lines that were stopped because of the weather (in London and Paris as well...and yes, swearing at their entrance made me feel better) and then find a bar in Tours named "The Black Hawk" (they play metal stuff...mostly black metal and the likes). Yes, it's good to be home. Well, one third of a home that is.

Ghosts in the Attic

2009-12-15T18:53:00.013+02:00

(Warning: Surrealism & Symbolism ahead!)

It's so cold today...My hand has frozen on the rock, became one with it. Should it crumble, I will too. I'll put it in the pocket for now, hide it from the vultures and protect it from the winds...

I scream! I scream and I throw myself to the sky! I scream and I throw myself to the sky and I hit it with a full sound! It explodes in my head...I scream and I throw myself to the sky and I hit it with a full sound...I scream and I throw myself to the sky...I scream...I scream!

Ah! There it is! The door I've been looking for all this time. Its paint has cracked and it's missing a spring, but I can fix it. I just need to choose a colour of paint first. And do you know what's behind it? No? Neither do I. And I'm afraid that if I open it, it will crumble and let all the evil spirits invade my little room. I should let it be for now. I will let it be. Until a summer day when the sun will be so strong that even the 5 inches thick dirt on the window won't be able to stop it's rays from getting through. Then I'll be able to fix it, paint it and let it dry. It will give me some years of peace. Until I'll stumble upon it again, see how it has decayed, reflecting my own new set of wrinkles. Or maybe then I'll finally let it turn to sawdust. The ghosts may well be gone by that time, bored by my childish attempts to lock them away. Like I wouldn't hear them anyhow. Every other night they go banging on the pipes and screeching on the ceiling. I have complained to the landlord endlessly about it. But would he do anything about it? No, he just pretends to forget. And I can't move yet, I've already paid for the next decade. He sent me a workman one morning. He drilled these horrid holes in the ceiling just to tell me that it's the sound of it breathing. Now every time it's windy, I'm invaded by cold currents. God, how I hate this place. Am I just being selfish for wanting silence? My neighbors always say they get to enjoy silent dinners, but perhaps they're lying. Maybe they have ghosts in the attic as well.

If I peel off layer by layer, will I be able to cover all noises with my own? To feel abandoned in the stream of bliss and just float around, like a drowned corpse breaking into pieces every time it smashes against the cliffs. It is what all the ancient manuscripts have told me. But I can not do so until I perform the proper ritual, a sacrifice to the gods. I must first burn my blood and replace it with clouds. I must sew my eyes inside out so that I'm forced to look only within me. Then, like a child, I must crawl around feeling the ground until I find the Mountain. Yes, they will be pleased!

Blinded, I'm hanging from the peak. My hand has frozen on the rock, became one with it. (Now just wait to shatter...)

London with the PFA

2009-12-15T13:39:00.014+02:00

Yesterday we got dragged to London to enhance our artistic sense and knowledge. We got dropped of somewhere close to one end of Oxford Street and walked to it, then down to the Photographer's Gallery. My hands were freezing through the gloves and I was swearing all the giant windows of the shops, all decorated for Christmas and full of clothing of gothic and baroque inspiration that just seem to become more and more common (you know, lacy, frilly tops and skirts, velvety dresses and all those lush things...when on earth did they become so popular?...anyway...)

The show in the Photographer's Gallery didn't impress me much. They were nice photos technically speaking, some quite original, but they were photos of poor people from countries like Mexico, Ukraine, India... and that sort of stuff don't really impress you when you grew up in Romania. You'd get to see them daily.

Then me, Will and Maz walked to the National Gallery, me being the one with the map. Now imagine that. Hehe. But we didn't get lost. Went in to see paintings from different eras and got told about the way paint layers dry by one of the supervisors. It was a nice, interesting chat. But one thing I'll never understand about museums is their layout. You go in, walk along the gallery and suddently you notice that there are coridors going pretty much in every direction. So it gets a bit confusing in terms of 'which way next?'.

Anyway, next on the list was Somerset House where Show Studio is. On the way there we got interviewed about our beliefs in extraterestrial life forms. Was hilarious. Though apparently we may win a trip to space. Like wtf?!? How are they going to send someone untrained in space? As beautiful a view may be, I wouldn't want to go. I'm affraid of flying on a damn plane, always thinking what if it falls or explodes or hell knows. But a space ship?!? Pass! Well nevermind that. Show Studio was absolutely mind blowing. From mirrors creating space effects to actually seeing Nick Knight during a shoot and to watching some of the best fashion videos on a huge screen while lounging on low puffy bag chairs.

After that, me and 2 other girls got walked down to the Tate by Jason Evans. I was impressed to see a painter on a bridge. It seemed so eary for him to ignore the people passing by and staring at him. At the Tate I only had a quick look around, then had a coffee and some biscuits, courtesy of our main lecturer, Richard Clegg. Honestly, I love some of the people here, so calm and friendly.

Yes, it was a good trip even if I was frozen and then had to listen to people coughing all the way back. Even if there was no shopping or shop-wrecking involoved. Heheh. I already got my Christmas pressent: a gorgeous 1980 Gunne Sax dress in cream voille with red roses pattern.

And speaking of Christmas, since I've got no other pressent for you (though maybe you'll get a preview of a song I'm working on if you'll behave :P ), I'll let you ask me any questions you want and will answer the 'worthy' ones in a post some time closer to the 24th. So you can ask whatever you may want to know about me or from me, but please try to be decent.

Toodles for now!

P.S.: I started reading Baudelaire's Les Fleurs du Mal. In French. And I'm going to stay with my parents over the holiday, which means Christmas in Paris! Wootz! Will have some nice photos to show you from there! And since we're in the theme of French literature, here's the trailer of 'Moliere', a movie that I love to it's every last bit.

Devo Xmas Party & Co.

2009-12-07T19:37:00.008+02:00

I've gone to Reading for the Devolution Xmas party on the 28th Nov . So a small review is in place :)

I took the coach at 11, all dressed pretty and made up (the theme of the party was burton-esque) I mostly slept on the way, can't really manage to stay awake on a coach apparently. But I did notice a lush yellow castle on the way out of Bristol. Something I need to check out in the future.

In any case, after getting to the city what do you do? You look for the venue, obviously. Only problem was that it wasn't easy to find. Anyway, I got there eventually and I was on time. Party was meant to start at 2pm.

So who did I get to meet this time? Well, Maleficent performed there as well and was nice to see them again. And Amber Sweet as well, who is, well...sweet. I've spent some good deal of a time with Spider and Loris of Spider's Web Zine and they are both really nice people, was very pleasant to chat with Spider about contemporary issues. The Dirty Youths were there as well and was very nice catching up with them as I had already seen them in TJ's a couple of weeks before. And my greatest pleasure was probably meeting Dee Christopher. Although I hadn't heard about him before, he was definitely very, very, very entertaining with all his catchy magic tricks and he is very friendly as well, not to mention talented: he is sure to amaze even the most skeptical about magic. Lets see then, who else did I get to meet? I got to meet a lot of people to be honest! Joe Black who is a great entertainer and makes you just want to go and hug him, Nickie Hobbs of Devolution Magazine, DJ Painless, Alix Kober who is such a pretty model and loads of fun to play rock band hero with (yes, I also got to play rock band hero, did the singing, the bass and the drums. I even shoved the mic in my blouse so that I could sing while drumming. It was hilarious!) and other people that were there for the party and whom were very kind and nice to chat with.

And another great thing about the party: there were free cupcakes! Imagine my happiness! I was in heaven. And also 2 mini-studio-setups so that you could have your photos taken with a nice backdrop and cool lighting. Yes, definitely a heaven for alt people. As for the gigs and dance acts: thumbs up! Sound and light were great - hell, everything was reaching perfection. There even was a raffle with great prizes to win, unfortunately I had forgotten my number (dumb, I know) so when they pulled out 59 I kept quiet because I though I had 58 (it proved later that I actually had 59. I was gutted). But, knowing me a lucky person, I did end up wining the most. The party was meant to end at 3am, but I onlt had my coach back at 5am so I hang around with the people left there. And as the persons who won the corset (that's a 24" black lace underbust corset - very lush and very much needed by me as my only black underbust decided to die that very evening (the material went loose at the side where it was sewn, that serves me for wearing it too much)) was a man who didn't very much need it and seeing me a bit sad about the whole incident, very generously offered it to me. And then the makeup was also won by a man who didn't want it so he gave it to me. That really made my night much better. I wish there were more people like them in the world. I'd go around and cwtch them all! (*for those that don't know, "cwtch" means a nice tight hug in welsh*)

And that was pretty much the interesting bit. (Well, I hope I'm not forgetting anything or anyone). The following meant taking a taxi to the coach station (and it bloody costed 12pounds! I hate taxis here! But it was the only option at 4am), spending 40min on a coach to London Heathrow (during which I was trying really hard to keep my eyes open so that I wouldn't miss the station), a 90 minutes wait in Heathrow, where, let's just say, I decided to collapse in between 2 vending machines with a super strong coffee, a sandwich and a magazine to flick through. How romantic, right? And then 2 and a half more hours on another coach and finally home. And sleep. Lots of it! But it was totally worth it and it was a nice adventure!

History - The Fun Way

2009-11-26T08:17:00.005+02:00

I came across two great shows today.

One of them is a cartoon destined for children, but I can't help not to love it:

The other one is a series of sketches that are just full of good fun:

Enjoy!

Not Today

2009-11-25T04:29:00.012+02:00

Today I don't want to write. I don't want to let you know what I think. I want you to try and guess it, to read it in the flickers of my eyes, in the twitches of my fingers and in the way I play with my hair. Because today I'm not me. Today I'm an entity, beyond my body, my spirit, my life. Today I'm an idea, a gust of wind. And I want you to feel.

Because today people started asking questions again.

Because today I've been listening to Opeth - Coil on repeat.

Because today it rained.

Today I'm not going to tell you anything. I'm going to let you write the story your own way. I'll just give you the words to pick from. And there's plenty.

Today I learned that when you look at a photograph, you see the image and not the paper it's printed on. You fall in love with it, it becomes part of you, you become part of it. Who cares if the person in it is dead? His life is imprinted on that paper, on your eyes, on your soul. He lives for ever. He's a secret you must pass on when the time is right. He is nothing, yet he's God. And when Herve Guibert wrote about him, he was in fact writing about you. About me.

But I won't pass the secret to you just yet. I'll let you look for it first. Maybe even buy me a few cups of coffee and some cookies to bribe me into telling it to you. And if you really manage to entertain me, perhaps I'll even let you buy me some glasses of martini. You know how I love drinking martini and dancing to no music other than that of the stars falling inside of me. And then buy me flowers and pretty perfumes and lure me to your bed. Should I deny you? I'll be too drunk by then, soaked in all the liqueurs of modern life. What a commodity it is to to keep secrets, to lie.

It rained today, did I tell you that? And it was windy too, windy like never before. It shred my white umbrella to pieces. But I'll stitch it back. For it was the last thing I had to remind me of you. A thing I had found by a banality when I had given up searching for something like it. I went in to buy a bra, but came out with the umbrella instead. Just my eternal luck. Did I thank you then for leading me to that shop? I must have...

When you get out of here
When you leave me behind
You'll find that those years passed us by

And I can, see you
Running through the fields of sorrow
Yes I can, see you
Running through the fields of sorrow

Yesterday I finished reading Francoise Sagan's "Bonjour Tristesse". I felt like in highschool again. There was the rebel adolescent Cecile. And there was Anne, who tragically died. How they both related to me! How they both were me! Or was I them? Quarreling today and loving each other next day. And the waves and the sun making all seem much more intense. Like they had taken a holiday trip into me. And I still wander why she'd let Anne die, though I know it was the only solution out of the deadlock.

So you see? You see why you must work your way to gain my trust? I need to trust you before I can tell you any secret, for how am I to confess to a God who isn't there to listen?

Oh and today... today I thought I could fly. Not with wings. Not in the way you'd read in a cheesy fairytale from a second-hand shop magazine. Not even on the overdose of cider that I had at a friend's party or on the ketamine dust that floats through the room when they all pass the portions around, sniffing through the same rolled 10pounds note (I always refused them politely when they'd offer it to me). What need have I got for their little games when I have a much stronger drug filling my every pore. Oh, no, I'm not talking about my love for you. That is old and maybe even gone. It's not even freedom. It's the sheer nothingness that allows me to turn a square inch into a galaxy and shift things around in the silliest way, just like I'd always do as a little girl. It's the pure insanity that is mine alone to enjoy while they all eat their bodies with ephemeral chemicals.

Every time I listen to this bloody song it seems to be getting shorter.

Now I'll go to bed. Or at least so I should. It's not today anymore. Or is it? A new today perhaps? How can it always be today? No, that's just because I'm tired and my soul is flowing out of my body in a hot wave. I'll go now, while it's still today. But I'll keep you locked in here, to find the light by yourself.

Until you buy me that coffee, I won't tell you anything more. Or, be it from me, the martini. Just because your confused gaze amused me. You might make a good listener some day. But I won't let you know what I think. Just for now.

Where does real life end and fiction start? Can you tell them apart? As for me, all that still keeps me connected to reality is concentrated in the tears rolling down from my eyes.

Just for now.

Nothing New...

2009-11-22T22:06:00.010+02:00

I'd say it's been quite a calm week. The Saturday I've spent in London was a very nice one (appart from the weather, which was the exact opposite). It was good to meet up with 2 of my former classmates and have a chat while enjoying a christmasy latte in Starbucks.

yummy and cozy :)

I've also finished writing my project so I'm feeling free now. Sadly I have to rethink 2 of my photos for the second assignment, since it's been rainy all weekend so I couldn't go out to do the photos I wanted. Bloody weather.

But next weekend is the Devolution Xmas Party in Reading to which I'll be going. I'm very much looking forward to it. It should be mental :D So toodles for now!

Days

2009-11-12T02:36:00.011+02:00

This week we learned how to make enlarged prints from film, which was very nice. Other than that, I've just had shoots and partied. Nothing big or remarkable.

Anyway, somehow I ended up looking up events that happened on my birthday and I just noticed that Mme du Barry was also born on 19th August! How proper! There also seems to have been many artists born on the same day along centuries. I guess I have chosen a good day to come into this world. It almost makes me want to go back into the whole discussion of is there a "destiny"? But not today.

Saturday I'm in London. Again.

Halloween & co.

2009-11-06T21:31:00.004+02:00

I must say that one week after Halloween I'm still thinking back to it. I've had the best time in a long time! I went to TJ's to take some photos for FnK and got to meet new people. The gig was well good and I was really looking forward to seeing Maleficent's performance since I used to love their stuff even since I was back in Romania. And getting to chat and spend the night with them made me really happy.

It's great when you get good things happening to you after weeks of uncertainty. It relaxes you. But I still miss the people at home. Still hate not finding a part-time job. Oh well...

p.s.: I've made a Myspace account. Add me if you want: Noree@Myspace

London & Camden Market

2009-11-01T20:53:00.014+02:00

Yes, I know I should've wrote this earlier, but then I wasn't really in the mood for it...anyway, here it is now!

So on a Thursday morning (morning meaning 5a.m.) I took off to go to the bus station, only to find out that tickets for coaches must be booked online...So my only alternative was the train which was significantly more expensive and for which I had to wait until 8:30a.m., otherwise tickets would have been almost double...so yea, I got to wander about Newport taking night photos. Oh and I must mention I hadn't slept the night because watching a movie in Tenji's flat was just way more attractive than sleeping. No matter, the 3 coffees I had did their job (unhealthy, but it called for extreme measures....kids, don't do this at home! =P ) In any case, I did get a train at 8:30 so all good.

After a few uncomfortable naps in the train I finally arrived at Paddington Station. Being a bit drowsy, I just decided to walk down the s

treet hoping to get somewhere familiar. Bad choice. That may work sometimes, but not when you're in London. Good thing is I manag

ed to get to an underground station and so I managed my way around to Trafalgar Square. Then walked down to Westminster Abbey and then to Buckingham Palace. I hanged around for a while, looking out for stylish people, but was disappointed that I couldn't find many. I only managed to get 2 photos from there:

Tartan's having a great comeback, getting very popular this year.

White, red and big glasses: vintage and modern at the same time!

Afterwards I walked back to Trafalgar Square where I found a lush restaurant that served some awesome cakes and indulged myself with some creamy-strawberry-yummy cake. Then got 2 more photos:

Dreads and converse shoes: a trashy yet casual look

Bold colors and asymmetrical haircuts make for a great british look.

After I got bored of hanging around there I took off to Camden Market (oh and my feet were starting to hurt...)

I must say that Camden Market is more insane than I had thought! First time I've been there I hadn't found the Stalls so I didn't expect anything like it! The main road is faded compared to them! I was literally hyperventilating from seeing all those shops with all those awesome items. One could easily spend a fortune there (obviously, I couldn't help myself either...) But it's pure awesomeness. I've found Cyberdog as well, which is just as insane. They've got a sound system better than any concert I've been to has had. And everything is UV glowy and they have a wall of colored columns that go up and down on the music... And in some other part of the Stalls they've got these cute benches framed by full size sculptures of victorian women. I actually got lost in there, it's just like a maze when you feel like floating and crashing at the same time. It's almost like you're in a different universe. Gothic, Vintage, Tribal, Punk and any item that may be categorized as Alternative...you'll find it there. It's just a matter of affording it...

So after I (hardly) managed to get out of there I went back to the main street and took some more photos. I wanted to go to the Electric Ballroom, but then it was getting late so I decided it was better to head to the train station.

Stripes and stockings; Camden is definitely the place to look for strong combinations.

Sweet lace for a young, cute look. A delicate look contrasted with the strength of the makeup and hair.

The fashion of the 50's is by far old or boring; many young women take up the style and it suits them greatly!

Purple hair and pale skin brighten up an all black outfit.

So that pretty much sums up my day in London. It sure was great going and it was an adventure to get around by myself and take photos of Street Fashion/Realism.

Off to London

2009-10-22T05:55:00.002+03:00

I'm going to London today. It was a quite sudden decision. But then it seems to become a habit to just jump on a bus on a free day and go visit a city. It's enjoyable. Feeds my youngish apetite for adventure.

In any case, if nothing should go wrong, I'll get to go to Camden Market and a bit around Trafalgar Square. I'll try and do some nice street life/realism/fashion documentary photos.

This Day Called Today

2009-10-15T01:58:00.004+03:00

Today needed it's own post because I've done so many stuff!

Although it didn't start so well, because the bus didn't show up so me and Sabs had to get a taxi to make it in time for lecture so we ended up paying 4.50 quid each. Which was wasted money, because the lecture got canceled because of some confusions created by the timetable. But the day got brightened up when at 11am a group from of us from the course were taken to Abergavenny to shoot some photos.

We first went to Usk Castle, which is a gorgeous place where you can just walk in as you like. And the chicken there are so friendly, they'll just let you cuddle them at any time. And they have a swing too and benches and a small gate just placed in the middle of the yard. I guess it's just for decoration. But the place is magic and surreal. I love it. And after that we went in the centre of Abergavenny, where we found the flea market and I got myself a nice cameo pendant. Then I went into a really cute boutique where they sold all sorts of candy, ice cream and tea. I had a nice cup of hot tea and a chocolate and almond cookie. I'll most certainly go back to try some of that ice cream too.

When we finally got back to the uni, I took out the film I had shot at the castle and developed it. So that makes the first film I have ever developed! It wasn't as hard as I had thought and I didn't ruin the film (like I felt it would happen). The only really nasty part in mounting it on the spiral, because that's done in complete darkness. No red light or anything. You just go by guessing.

Anyway, today was another success. And I also got through post 5 of the films I ordered. Can't wait for them to re-stock on the T-Max ones as well, I want to try those too. So far I've only had a Kodac C41 (which I had to give to the technician to develop it, because we don't do C41 process yet,but it was the only film I could get in Romania) and an Ilford Delta 400. And there are differences between the 2 films (well, one is brown and the other blue...) and I'm curious how they'll look when printed on paper. It's all just so exciting. Though there is one bad thing about it: my hands still smell from the developer. Well, I'll probably won't be doing much analog photography once I'll be off the course anyway. I don't fancy keeping tanks of developer, fix and stop...

Of My "Great" Existance

2009-10-13T23:00:00.003+03:00

Hi there guys! Just popped in my blog to write a quick update since I really felt the need for one.

I'm really enjoying my time at the uni, I think the courses are great (though lectures tend to get boring at times and the amount of information is generally overpowering). Still, I'm really happy that I chose this course! Oh and the library! Lush! One full shelf on the history of fashion alone! And Wednesdays we have a huge gap from 1 till 5 so that's where I'm spending those hours, lost between piles of books. Yes, I know I could be taking the bus, going home and having a rest or cooking something, but the only time I did that the bus didn't come in time so I was late for lecture. Not risking again! Plus usually the buses are more than full and some people get left behind (which is why I resorted to taking the first bus in the morning, when there's only about 10 people on it). So it would be at least 2 hours wasted for the bus. Now doesn't the library sound like a much better idea? Does for me.

Other than that, I've had 2 shootings so far. It was great. I even got paid for one of them, so wheepee! Advancing. I sure felt much better afterwards. And have the rest of October booked up. I'm loving modeling! (But don't worry, I haven't forgotten about my photography either, I'm currently researching for a new project actually).

Well, I must say I'm generally loving the place. But I do miss the people and places back home (yes, I know they say "home is where your heart is", but what do you do when your heart it's divided to different places? I have 3 homes now: Romania, UK and France...)

Hectic Uni

2009-09-30T00:45:00.003+03:00

So what have I done lately? Well, been to an UV and a toga party, been to Cardiff several times, even printed a map of it from Google to be able to get to a burlesque party, planned photo-shoots, seen a hypnotism show... It's been a hustle and bustle on fresher's week. And it was great!

Today I've had the first lectures and seminaries and can't wait for tomorrow's practice. Daguerreotype, woohoo!! And today I've also found the textiles shop, so I'm thrilled. I already bought 2 gorgeous black&silver victorian-like buttons (though they could work as ornaments for any style back to the Tudors)

Anyway, I'm off to sleep now. I'm at uni tomorrow from 9am to 7pm so it's a hardcore day! =P

(p.s.: I've started to catch the accent :D )

Newport & Book

2009-09-20T01:57:00.006+03:00

Yes, I'm here. Yes, the plane didn't crash :P

Anyway, I arrived yesterday. I'm tired like hell. The trip was just fine, except for a dude that sat next to me in the plane and who refused to turn off his laptop when the plane started descending, so I had to call the steward to make him turn it off. Damned ass. He couldn't wait for another 20 minutes to write his emails, he had to put us all in danger, right? If my dad wouldn't have been in the plane too, I swear I would have punched the guy and would have turned his laptop off myself. Anyway, if anything would have happened with the plane, he would have died first. By my hands!

Other than that, the train form London to Newport was just fine. I basically slept throughout the whole trip. Then me and dad had to find Opal, the building in which I'm staying. And that was no easy task while having to pull the heavy luggage after us. But we did find it eventually and it's a lovely place to live in! And I've met some really nice people so far. I'm loving it here!

And, not to forget! My book is out today so now you may purchase it online! (Click here to go to the store) It costs £11.95 plus shipping (about £4 to Romania). You just need to make a free account on blurb. I had also posted some shots of the book in a previous post so you can see how it will look like. Hope people will enjoy it!

A Bit of Advertising...

2009-09-15T21:37:00.010+03:00

I just love, love, loooove every show that French and Saunders have made! They are 2 awesome ladies with great humor.

And I love their episodes of Let Them Eat Cake

Other than that, the dance came out just fine and I also filmed a video with my beloved Annun Saah and Azraah and shall post it once it's done. You can find some photos and videos on vestic.ro

I also got my new camera (Nikon D5000) and I'm in love with it, it's so much better than my previous one. It made me so eager to take photos.

Poem

2009-09-13T08:33:00.004+03:00

A poem I wrote recently. A very simple one. It was more like instant thoughts rather than something smart with hidden meanings. It just came to my mind in a flash.

Sorry to those who don't understand Romanian. You could put it in an online translator to get a brief idea of what it's about. I tried translating it so that it would keep its "melody". I failed. Tragically.

Poem pt. asteptare

Mai stai cat pentru un gand

Crescut din cuvant,

Mai stai cat pentru un vis

Rupt din necuprinsul abis.

Si mai stai cat pentru o noapte

Incoltita din soapte,

Mai stai cat sa citesti

Nescrisele povesti.

Si mai stai doar un moment

Amortit si incet,

Mai stai cat sa saruti

Buze fragede, dulci.

Mai stai doar o viata,

Atat, nu mai mult.

Tribal Dance

2009-09-10T16:55:00.004+03:00

So if anyone shall be in the area tomorrow (Friday 11th September at 8 pm)...

come see us :D

I'm doing fan & fanveil dances on Switchblade Symphony and Sepultura.

Just so...

2009-09-08T02:42:00.005+03:00

I'm home alone today and it's almost 3am and have no sleep...I'm not used to being alone in a building, even if it's only for one night. I'd usually have someone stay over when my parent are away, but today...I'm all by myself (yeah, I'm already singing.... Aaaaall byyyy myyyyseeeeeeelf....Don't wanna beeee....)

Anyway and anyhow, in 2 weeks I'll be gone to school and won't set foot in this country again 'till Easter (maybe not even then). Then perhaps one month during the summer. Since my folks are moving to France I'll be spending most of my holidays there (and probably the evenings in Donald's Pub in Tours, teehee). I will miss some people that have been very close to me, but still I can't wait for Uni! And it's gonna be 2 weeks of Freshers! Wheepee for UV Rave Night, PJ Party and BBQ :D And I've been promised a Nikon D5000. Mneeheeeheeeee. I'm curious if I'm going to actually get it.

And before wrapping up this post: some clearings about by nickname (since people are still asking): Hwi Noree is a character form Frank Herbert's novels Dune (from God Emperor of Dune, more exactly) that resembled me perfectly when I was 12 (that's when I read the novels). My personality is still much that way, but I've changed my looks. Anyway. I use the name Noree since I was 12. Alia is also a character from the novels, but it appears earlier than Noree. Let's say she was somewhat crazy. None of the less, she was a great person. I added that name more recently because I needed a change and also a way to set myself apart from the more and more Norees appearing on the internet. That's the long story made short. Oh and the "k" that I put in the link is because Noree was already taken on many sites, so I just threw that "k" in. It has no meaning. First time I added it I was probably thinking something like "ok, just give me a valid link". So I put the "k". And that was a very long time ago. And that's it! Now stop speculating please.

Good night!

Lace Fan Tutorial

2009-08-31T02:18:00.012+03:00

A great way to complete an elegant outfit is using a fan, which has an added bonus: it can help you cool yourself. So here's how you can create your own fashion-statement fan!

This is what you need:

*an old/cheep fan that you can use for the frame (unless you can find empty fan-ribs). I'm talking about this kind (it doesn't matter what drawing it has on it, the less you like it, the better):

(I didn't actually use that fan because I love the poppies on it - I had a torn one laying around)

Now, all you need to do is to carefully remove the painted paper/fabric. But remember to keep it as pattern reference for the new fabric. And also keep the top lace.

*lace or whatever material you want to use. Keep in mind that you might also need a layer of tulle in case the lace is too soft or stretchy.

*super-glue or hot-glue. I used Kraftkleber (Power Glue) from Herlitz. Avoid Picatura. Apparently it doesn't work on the fabric-plastic/wood combination. Or at least it didn't work for me.

*tissues (but I used toilet paper because the small detachable pieces were more practical than large napkins). These come in handy if the glue is "runny" (and mine was...it kept dripping everywhere until I got the hag of it)

*scissors (preferably about the length of the fan-ribs)

*pins

*needle and thread and whatever else you may want to add to your fan.

Here's how to make it:

First, I got my empty fan-ribs and the striped organza I'm going to use. The organza is sewn onto a layer of black tulle and has pinned to it the top lace that I have removed from the original fan.

After sewing the top lace to the fabric, I'll start gluing it. First, you should glue the sides. Those also go folded in 2 (observe your original fan before taking it's fabric off). Apply a generous amount of glue on the plastic/wood rib and press the material against it. You can use your scissors' blade for pressure:

After gluing the first side, do the following trick to be able to glue the other side as well: lay the fan on a flat surface with the fabric that you just glued facing downwards. Place the other ribs on top of it and then twist the material to be able to glue the pre-fold side. This is easier than trying to hold the fold with your hand and stick it already folded. (Follow the line of the top lace to be able to see the shape of the twist better)

After you have both sides glued, lay your fan on a flat surface again and divide the ribs as even as you can. Then pin each of them into place (Mine didn't come out very even...)

Then start gluing each of them. This takes patience. Remove the pin and pull the rib to the side. Be careful to start on the side where you can pull the rib from underneath, this way you'll be able to put glue on it and then place it back to it's position without staining the fabric. As you can see in the picture above, the first rib to glue was the one on the left as it was free to slide down beyond the wide side rib. (And be careful to put the glue on the right side).

After you're done with all of them, you can decorate your fan however you want. Just be careful not to choose accessories that are too heavy and that might break the ribs. It's also a good idea to run a thread around the fabric and rib a couple of times if you put any decoration there. I have put small black satin roses and black chains on mine. (It looks somewhat steampunkish, doesn't it?)

And don't be afraid to experiment with fabrics! You may choose something wacky and unexpected (For example, I have a project for a future fan made with tartan fabric and black bows, perhaps even chains or buttons). Or you can try something even more elegant, like using damask or lace overlaid on contrasting satin. You may also try to apply decorations on the side ribs (the wide ones) or some big bow on the hook. But don't forget to tie your fan with a ribbon when keeping it closed. This will help it keep in shape and prevent it from opening and breaking when you carry it in your purse. (I tied mine with a black organza ribbon to match)

I hope you find this tutorial helpful! And now that you know how to make yourself a pretty fan, here is how to use it as well:

The Language of the Fan

*Resting the fan on your lips = I don't trust you

*Touching your eye with the closed fan = When may I see you?

*Finger on the tip of the fan = I wish to speak to you

*Fanning yourself with your left hand = Don't flirt with that woman

*Slowly fanning yourself = I don't care

*Quickly fanning yourself = I love you

*Twirling in the right hand = I love another

*Moving your hair away from your forehead = Don't forget me

*Passing the fan from a hand to the other = I see that you are looking at another woman

*Hitting your hand's palm = Love me

*Carrying the fan closed, hanging from the left hand = I'm engaged

*Carrying the fan closed, hanging from the right hand = I want to be engaged

*Quickly and impetuously closing the fan = I'm jealous

*Resting the fan on your heart = My love for you is breaking my heart

*Half-opening the fan over your face = We are being watched

*Half-opened fan over the lips = You may kiss me

*Hitting an object = I'm impatient

*Hiding the sunlight = I don't like you

*Looking closely at the painting = I like you

*Hands clasped together holding a fan = Forgive me

*Covering the left ear with an open fan = Don't betray our secret

*Resting the fan on the left cheek = No

*Resting the fan on the right cheek = Yes

So ladies, start practicing! And if you make yourself a fan by my "recipe", please show me a photo :)

How to be Trv...

2009-08-26T23:04:00.007+03:00

Latest growing obsession of people seems to be blaming everyone that they aren't true. Or better said, trv kvlt. 'Couse it's smexier that way. Or trv nekro kvlt. 'Couse it's even smexier. Ok, ok, I know it's not a new obsession of people, but it just got to the point where it started annoying me big time. If I weren't a rather peaceful being, I'd be taking everyone who says that and hold them with they're head under water for a few seconds. And especially 13-14 year olds that claim to know what "being true" means, when they'll probably change their tastes in 2 years or so...

I mean, come ooon! You're not allowed to listen to more than one genre of music, you must hate all other genres, you can't wear I don't know what color or style of clothing, you must only behave in a certain way, even if you don't feel like it.... otherwise you're not true! And you wouldn't want that, now would you? You wouldn't want to betray your "brothers"...

Really now, people. Why do you have to make it sound like a crime?!? THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS BEING TRUE! And trust me, you are 'the most true' when you listen to whatever you like, dress they way you like and behave the way you know it's right for you and those around you. Obviously, the moral rules apply. Being polite and respectful should go without saying. But for goodness' sake, stop being so stuck up! Styles were created for people to be able to identify others. Like when you say "Do you know X?" (X = someone's name). "The blonde one or the red-haired?". "The blonde". "Oh, yes...". It's the same with styles. They're only adjectives. They were not made for people to blindly and foolishly try to fit into them!

And then there's the opposite extreme, when people get angry for being categorized... Ok, I get the fact that many create they're own style by mixing others and some may fit into more than one category. But lets face it, we're all under some category or another. "Human" is also a category in it's self, isn't it? And we fall under that. Man or woman is also a category. And we are in one or the other (or both, for some...). So then what's the point in being so violent and going about saying "Don't you put me under a category, 'couse I don't know what..."?

You know, I really wonder why people are so keen in looking for reasons to argue each other, reasons for hatred and preconceptions. I wonder if it's a thing of the subconscious or maybe some mutating gene that makes us this way.

I think we just should be more thankful for what we have rather than finding such pointless faults. Like a friend said once: Some years ago, when there barely were any concerts and the sound was rather bad because local bands couldn't afford any great equipment, everyone was happy and was having a hell of a time! Now, when the sound is 100 times better and there is a greater variety, they all find reasons to complain that the show wasn't good enough or there were microphone effects during a song...

So then, can you say that we don't have a fault in our way of thinking? Because I think we have a huge one! Shouldn't a person's achievements be more important than the music that person likes? And I'm talking about real achievements, those that someone has worked real hard for and which might even help improve something in society or at least for a few people. Something that makes a change for the better or that might even save some lives one day. Shouldn't we care more about that than about the fact that the person isn't 'true' to one, but only one genre? It's not the musical or clothing preferences that keep us alive, you know? It's something far beyond that...

How I Spent My Last Days...

2009-08-22T20:17:00.008+03:00

Well first of all, I had a small birthday party. I didn't invite many people, but it was fun and I hope everyone enjoyed it. And I discovered my dad's bottle of Sheridan's Coffee Layered Liqueur which I began to love :p

(That's me and Armenia)

After that I've been mainly sleeping and going out. Well not that much, it's only been 2 days of going in Taboo and staying until late. And I found out that I also like Martini :)) In any case, yesterday was also a concert day and after that, they made a big camp fire so we sat around it and sang. (And I find it quite interesting how, sometimes, unknown dudes that seem to be drunk pop out of nowhere and ask for a photo with you when they see someone pointing the camera at you...)

These days I also got my joining info from the university. Seems like the first year is up for film photography. I'll be working on a Nikon F70. And I'll also have to buy the tools and substances for developing and printing photos, but I'll only get those once I get back to Newport. Now I'm enjoying my last month in Romania and looking to finish the summer project I got from the university (heh, I didn't even start yet and I already have work to do).

Another Year...

2009-08-18T20:18:00.014+03:00

One year older, one year wiser (perhaps)... Tomorrow (19th August) is my birthday and I somehow despise it, but also love it (blame the party?). If you want to make me a little gift, for one day, try to be calmer and kinder to the people around you, no matter who they are. Because stress and nerves are taking over our lives way too much these days. And knowing that, for my birthday, the world was a better place is more than I can wish for.

Now a few words about my book that will come in September... I wanted to release the book on 1st of September, but I will have have to postpone it to the 19th, because that's when I'll move in to my apartment at the university and, well, I can't sell my book until I know my address since it will sell on the internet.

The book is based on poetry and photography. It contains my work, from the first cover to the last. It has 23 poems and 25 photos, some of which you won't find posted elsewhere (the photo on the cover was meant to be one of those, but I'm showing it to you so you can see what to expect). So, here's a small preview for you. (Mark that all contents used in this preview and in the book belong to me and may not be reproduced or used in any way without my written permission)

P.S.: I dyed my hair red with some black tips here and there.

The Sound of My Soul

2009-08-09T17:05:00.004+03:00

The lyrics perfectly describe the way I feel about myself and everything around me...

La vie en...France

2009-08-05T23:28:00.003+03:00

Yes, I know I've been keeping you waiting... I apologize, I wasn't in the mood to write about my trip... but here it goes...

I have been to France right after Artmania. To visit Paris and Tours. I had been to Paris before, when I was 12 (I think) so I was really happy to return.

On short, we pretty much had a good weather, it only rained twice and it didn't last long, but it was enough to get us wet to the bone. In Paris, we stayed in a hotel in La Defense. That place seemed huge because of all the tall glass buildings, but somehow I didn't like them. They looked good in the scenery, but I prefer, lets say, and older style of architecture. Like the rococo. Anyway, I loved the fact that there were a lot of trees. And the general temperature was lower than the one in Romania (it was like heaven there). Did some visiting, did some shopping. The ordinary stuff. Went to watch the new Harry Potter in a cinema on Champs-Elysees :)) Yes, ordinary stuff. In Tours, the main interest was to see the castles on Loire Valley. They are gorgeous! A must see!

Well that's about it, made very briefly. It's a rather expensive country. Anyway, you may find some photos on my deviantart.

Turnpoints

2009-08-02T00:48:00.007+03:00

It was always expected of a fine, educated woman to marry well. Love? The idea of love as we know it today did not even exist until the 13th century. It was a matter of how many cattle your parents were willing to give. Beauty? Didn't really matter as long as you could produce a son...

Well people find it all exaggerated today. Nowadays, if you marry for money and for social status, you're seen as a lazy whore. It's all preconceptions. It was then, it is now.

Most dream of marrying for love, with your soulmate and of having a romantic life. I dreamt of that too, of my fairytale love. But what do you do when your soulmate denies you eventually? When he takes interest in other women and you start arguing more and more often? It fails in the end. Tragically. Like a big boom. Then what? You look for a new love? You say time will heal you? And if you know it won't? If you know there's no more love out there like the one you had?...

It's still a complicated society and a woman can not do without a man. Very few can. Maybe 1% of all women. As nasty as it sounds, we must admit it. The world is expensive.

I have come to hate the idea of marriage. I had loved it before, wanted it as soon as possible. But now...being tied down to a man, being held behind by a man and maybe also holding him behind...for "love"...no, I don't want that. I'm an artist and a woman of society. Do not blame me! It's coded in my genes. I can't survive locked up in a small house, cooking and cleaning. I'm like a bird, I need to fly, I need to explore, I need to sing to the clear sky sitting on a maple tree branch...

Don't get me wrong, I may love again...I can be a warm person, a good wife and caring mother...but my true, big love is consumed already. There won't be another, I know that. Love is for free. Marriage is not. And then that leaves me with 2 options. Marry for some "love", but live in misery and struggle daily and probably end up being beaten and thrown out again after a few years, starting again the same foolish search for so called love, but perhaps this time even with a 'bundle in my oven' to complete the picture of stress and nerves... or 'marry well', a man of position, wealth, someone who, even if he does not care that much about me or my feelings, would be content that I fulfill gracefully my image of a wife that would probably even provide a child and in return he would give me the support and freedom I need to grow to my full potential. Both ways are painful, I'll give you that! If I would have been one of those women who can provide for themselves a house, a car, the financial stability that they need, then I would have chosen to remain unmarried. For a man to love me truly and also be able to provide for me...I'm afraid there is none. Not for me. I may be proven wrong, can't know what will happen eventually. But as far as my experience goes, for a person like me, the best thing is to marry well. Just like Otilia did...

But do not judge me, I tell you. It's not that I'm lazy and prefer the short, easy path. I'll work my own way and have my merits and know I'm not just a parasite. But I have become a singular soul. And the warmth of my heart and my mind and the passion of a confident is all I can still offer. And it's probably more than other women would have offered for their true love. I know when to be grateful. But the rest, I'm afraid, is gone. Consumed just like a match burns out quickly after being lit. And I have to live with it...

Artmania 2009

2009-07-20T01:43:00.006+03:00

I won't be writing a lot about it for 2 reasons: 1. I'm packing again to leave to France for holiday (but you're only getting rid of me for one week :P ... by the way, anyone want souvenirs? ^^ ) and 2. I'm sure others will write much more about it and it already starts to look like it's gonna be a variety of opinions, with a few sparks here and there...

Anyway, I took a bit of detour and went to Bucharest first 'couse my dad had some work to do there and took this chance and met with Astaroth. And there was a really funny moment, when 2 guys came to us with a rather stupid attempt to hook up with us and we got saved in the most epic way, but I won't say more, I'll let her tell the story if she wants because she's better at telling this kind of happenings :P

So then me and dad took the train to Sibiu and it was horrible! We had to change the train twice because of a broken bridge and I don't know what speed restrictions they had because of the heat, but it took us 8 hours for a distance of about 300km :| Now isn't that just wrong?

In any case, I thought the concert was nice. I also went to see Aaron's photos, but I had expected a little more from him, given his status. And even starting then I got to "play the model" :P I posed for different people, even got pushed next to Aaron to sit there for a photo with him :)) Anyway, photos here, photos there, photos here and everywhere - frontal, rear, sideways - alone or with the owners of the camera...been there, done that (dreadful job, I tell ya! dreadful! :P ) The nasty part was that some people came to interview me for the tv news and they kind of popped up unexpectedly and didn't give me much chance of thinking, plus he stuck the microphone way too close so I was leaning backwards more and more and he came closer and closer...damn annoying... It's not a nice feeling to be trapped between being shocked that you suddenly are being interviewed, contracting your muscles so you don't fall flat on your back because of the really stiff corset and cooking up a decent answer... Well I didn't see it aired, but I guess it wasn't too good...Shit happens...

Anyway, it was my second year at the festival and the first time I saw it in the center of the city, in open air (though I gotta admit I pretty much liked the tent from last year too, at least there was no sun or rain in it, even if people complained about it). And I pretty much enjoyed all the bands. Nasty thing was that some people in the public were commenting about Anette's voice and that fact that she's nothing like Tarja... that was really annoying... Well if you don't like her singing, just go home or at least shut up and let the others enjoy it while you are there, you can comment it as much as you want once you'll be in the privacy of your rooms. And I wonder if any of you ever tried to put yourself in her place and think what she has to face. It's not an easy thing to take up a band with such popularity and to have to face all the accusations that you are not like the former singer, but still be able to go your own way, in your own style. Well I honestly admire her for hanging in there!

All in all, it was nice seeing so many people come together for a concert, it was nice walking around the city and even seeing it from the church's tower and even if I'm moving away, I hope I'll be able to come back for next year's Artmania and meet again with people, because I was really glad that some came by and said hello! Thank you, dears!

P.S.: If you've got photos with me, send them over please! (elixiumgothic@yahoo.com) Thankies! ^^

Poetry

2009-07-14T22:31:00.005+03:00

Mmmm, ok, poetry isn't really my thing, but due to the overwhelming events in my life lately (as in too many intense things happening one after the other) I've been writing some poems now and then... They were mostly for myself, to cleanse my soul and help me relax, or some time they would just pop in my head while trying to fall asleep and I would get up and write them...

Anyway, I showed them to some friends and they liked it, so I thought about sharing it with others too. A piece of poem will do good...

So just to lay a few words on it, I could say it's somewhat experimental/philosophical poetry. They are short poems. I'm not able to write long poems, I seem to lose my idea if I try to. It only works for me if I keep it short and concentrated. The fact that I have studied some of the greatest romanian writers at school has marked me a lot, but this last year of high school has changed me the most. And as much as I love Eminescu's vision, Bacovia's simple yet lugubrious poems and Argezi's aesthetic of the grotesque, my top 3 remain Lucian Blaga, Ion Barbu and Nichita Stanescu.

Most of my poems don't have a title and I just mark their end with a ~*~. I'm also having this cycle of "Ode to the old", which are poems of 5 verses, without any punctuation or capitals and in which the way the words are divided into the verses is important for the idea and feeling it has to convey. Of course, most of my poems are pretty ambiguous, leaving room for different interpretations. They're not that brilliant, but in time maybe I'll get better at it and maybe I'll make a little book out of them.

And to help with the mood, you could listen to this while reading:

Enjoy!

~*~

This is the New Era,

An era for our loneliness.

Yours. Mine.

The ocean's and the desert's

And the sky's.

This is the New Era.

It's not new for me.

~*~

Rapunzel, Rapunzel

Oh, thou shalt take care

To whom you let down

The longest of hairs.

The devil is cunning,

With scissor-like hands,

In shameless defying

Would rip thy fair hairs.

~*~

Ode to the old

send me your army of lovers

astray

I have not forgotten

a man

how to slay

~*~

Ode to the old II

see how the mirror was shattered

in vain

as I kiss the wall

and drink up your

pain

~*~

It all takes a bit of

Silence.

Listen!

Hear the blinks of deep blue

Eyes!

Could you

Doubt they speak the

Truth?

My Bind

2009-07-14T02:04:00.003+03:00

Ever since he's no more I've been wearing a thick black thread tied around my wrist. It's becoming grey by now. I'm keeping it on to remind me of my promise. As long as it stays on, my love still exists. When I'll decide to take it of, it will mean that I've given up believing or that I've found a new hope. If it will break by itself, it will mean that life has decided to free me of my burden and I'll be able to try again, with a heart cleansed by time. But until then, life still runs in thin threads that braid together and my feelings are just one of the threads. When the day will come to cut that thread, I hope it will be for someone who will know how to tell it's story later on...

Weekend Stuff

2009-07-11T21:42:00.010+03:00

Well yesterday was a really busy day, I had to go all over the city to pick up different stuff and it was also Armenia's birthday and the opening of the exhibition held by Rotaract Club Arad in Taboo. But at least I also passed near the library so I went in and got myself a book.

It was a nice day, even though I had to run here and there and got a major headache from all the sun shining in my head (I think I'll have to take a parasol with me more often). So I guess I'll just show you some photos from the exhibition:

(translation: The flower is life born out of the Sun. A living fortress, protecting the reflections of existence's drunken heights.)

Short Essay on Art

2009-07-09T00:06:00.010+03:00

It's true that one may wonder today what's left of the morality the art used to have once. It's even more true that many choose to criticize it harshly, hoping to ameliorate the negative effects of this society on what should be something pure. But I dare say there is nothing wrong with the art, it's still the same that it used to be. The problem is that the people do not know how to interpret it anymore.

There are so many polemics about art these days. About what is art and what isn't. And it's obvious that this would happen when art is so accessible. It's not only the nobles who get to have paintings commissioned and hung on their home's walls. It just takes a digital camera and a computer nowadays. And most people have them. And with sites dedicated to hosting anyone's art, the internet is flowing with all kinds of works. So art is just one click away. The problem appeared when everyone could claim his stuff is art or act as an art critic. But to be an art critic, you must first understand art. This is where the fight begins.

You see, art is very selfish. The artist creates out of his own interest, out of his own knowledge and feelings. Those who watch art, watch it for themselves. Because it makes them feel good. That's where the morality of art kicks in by creating a katharsis effect, by making people forget about their daily needs and selfish desires. But still, art is selfish. And that is not said in the bad way, because the selfishness of art means the honest expression of a soul.

Now there's been those loooong discussion about who should be allowed to do art. Of course that paper and pencils are available for anyone so they could easily draw or write. Cheap compact cameras are also available on a large scale, so just about anyone who can press the button has thoughts about calling it art. There have been even longer discussions about the commercial aspect of art. Some consider that making art for the money is not making art at all. But you see, that was one of it's purposes from the very beginning. Plus that creating art can be a full-time job and one needs to live out of something...

I say that true art is when you put some thought into what you do. When you don't just click the button of a camera, but you know why you're doing it. When you don't just throw a few words on a piece of paper, but you know why you are throwing those words. Art is a matter of complete subjectiveness, so not everyone will understand it or like it. But you must know why you did what you did, the way you did it. You must be able to motivate your choice beyond a simple 'because I wanted to do it like this, because this is the way I like it.' And you must be very careful there because the line between the true reason, the true feelings that generate art and imagined reasons, actions which don't really exist is very thin. And then the thing with exposing it or not...As long as you are happy with the results and know what was the reason of your actions that created that work, then yes, exposing it is a good thing.

But no, that doesn't give others the right to criticize your work harshly. The excuse of constructive criticism usually hides hatred and envy. Of course it's easy to criticize when you don't make the slightest effort in understanding what you are looking at or what you are reading. One must always keep in mind that art is selfish and very permissive, with a wide range of branches. And it would require an inhuman knowledge of the world's culture and a tremendous experience to be able to understand all art. Criticism should be left to those with experience in that field, those who know how to express it politely and know that when you highlight a mistake you must also highlight a good part of the work so that the person might learn.

If we are to pretend we want top quality art and what's best for our lives, then at least let's do it correctly. It is the art that should be criticized, not the person who made it, not the person in it. One must learn that art is not real life, but an alteration of it so that we can lift our spirit. The person in a photo is not the real life person, but an idea, just as the narrator in a story is not the real person that wrote it. And with such a wide range of works on this 'beloved' virtual world that seems to be taking over the human beings, one should at least know how to chose to watch only the works that make him feel good and ignore the ones that one considers bad, for others may not share his view. Art is selfish, remember?

Finally Summer

2009-07-06T20:08:00.004+03:00

I'm done with the Baccalaureate, got a 9,40 without cheating so I'm really happy. I could have gotten more, but I didn't stress out for more because I only needed an 8 anyway. Thank goodness it's over with it, because I was very unconfident about getting above 8...

So now that I can finally enjoy my holiday, I want to take many many photos and am looking for models. So if it happens that you'll be in Arad or Timisoara sometime between now and the end of August, let me know and we'll set up a shooting (or you can email me at elixiumgothic@yahoo.com).

And having a lot of free time means I'll also be making many accessories so check Elixium as often as you can, because there will be stuff for sale!

Toodles!

The End of the World

2009-06-24T13:38:00.006+03:00

You know, they keep telling us about the end of the world. It should have happened so many times already. At least once every century. Year 2000 was coming and everyone was like "omg, it's the end of the world!" Why? Just because it's the beginning of a new millennium? Now they say that it's 2012. Because that's when the Mayan calendar ends. Well, you know, the poor beings might have had a longer calendar, but they're extinct. Do we have a calender until year 10.000? No, because we don't need one. That doesn't mean year 10.000 is the end of the world! And still, if it won't be 2012, it will be 2030. That's when the Earth Poles will switch places, causing calamity and natural disasters, besides an extremely fucked up weather. That's what scientists say. There's been so many dates for the end of the world that my biggest fear is that at one moment, some psycho will start believing he's some sort of prophet and plant a nuke on all of us. Because, yeah, the world must end when mass-media said it would. And if nature won't end it, some psycho will, otherwise he'd be depressed because it was all a lie and the world still exist. How great is that? Wouldn't they better just shut up? I think there's already 2 or 3 movies in the making about 2012. Everything for the money...

So yeah, people rise and fall, ideas rise and fall. Too bad it's the silly ones that reach the peek. You'd say they're actually keen on dying. The End of the World is always near. Hell, a comet could just fall on us while we're sleeping and it doesn't need a prediction. It could simply happen. We are bound with such risks the moment we're born. But to keep finding years when Earth shall come to destruction...now that's just crazy...

Dying is easy. Living is harder.

Elixium Accessories + Info on Rocaille

2009-06-14T16:58:00.008+03:00

I've changed the way I'll be selling my hand-crafted accessories. I won't be doing custom orders anymore (unless requested and for an extra fee) because it became a bit chaotic, instead I'll be making one or more items of a certain design and offer them for sale as they are.

So if you are interested in some gothic/victorian/lolita/punk etc. (mainly alternative) items (I say items because I may be doing some clothing as well this summer), then head over to my deviantart account: ElixiumGothic. Details are in my journal there (the one on the right) and all you have to do is click "Browse Gallery" to see the array of items I have made along time, some of which will be available for sale. And if you click on the pictures, you will be able to read some details about them right under their photo (that was a bit of info for those who haven't used deviantart before)

p.s.: Some of you have seen me using the term "rocaille" quite often and might be wondering what that is. It's the term I use to define some of my, lets say, derivative outfits. It's for those outfits that don't fit quite well in the category of gothic, victorian, punk or lolita, but are a sort of combination of different styles plus a bit of my craziness. I chose the term rocaille because it's one of the terms that formed rococo and it meant arranging stones in natural forms like shells, which leads to the idea of roughness transformed into fragile beauty, but it also stands for asymmetry and unexpected, plus a use of lighter colors, floral patterns and, for me, the combination of elements from different eras (you might have noticed already that I love combining rococo with victorian).

Anyway, it's just a small idea of mine which I'd like to develop into a full style and, who knows, maybe others will like it as well. That, of course, won't mean I'll completely give up my gothic outfits (no joy for some of you, I know). You may even call it a sub-fashion of gothic, just like there's already gothic lolita and gothic victorian etc. Anyway, it's nothing big, you might call it a project (which may very well be doomed to fail), but it's a sort of attempt of mine to create the style that will perfectly fit me and that means a lot of combining and experimenting. Obviously, it will take some time until I'll have something stable. But hell, it's fun :D

Before Going to Sleep...

2009-06-05T22:56:00.008+03:00

... I just let my mind wander.

But yes, I do. And you know what I was thinking just now? It's hilarious how hypocritical this world is. I can't say I make much of an exception, never did. And I somehow don't manage to apologize when I'm wrong. No, I always demanded more of myself than a simple "I'm sorry" or "Would you forgive me?". A 'more' I'm not capable of, for I have an ego enough to fill a 17th century ballroom. It's not the fear of admitting I was wrong, the hell with it, we all are sometimes! It's rather the disappointment I have when realizing I've been unfair. I guess my mind somehow decided it's a shameful thing. And then I long for a way to make up for my mistake, but never have the guts to do it. It hurts enough to know I've hurt someone. It would hurt to much to have to say it out loud and remind myself of it. If only you knew what a torment it is!

Yes I have hurt many people and most of them didn't deserve it. I've been hurt even more and gathered frustrations that kept building up and then spilling out on whoever crossed my path first. I usually regretted afterwards. I doubt I ever said it...

So this was supposed to be a sort of apology to the people I've hurt, no matter if it was rightfully or not. Now, you may take it as you like. But just know this: I'm not saying it because I'm afraid I'll get hurt even more and I'm not saying it because I hope this way people will stop attacking me. I know that won't happen any time soon, if ever. It's been like this for many years, I probably have some sort of special 'talent' in attracting mischief and creating argues when my intentions are quite the opposite. No, I'm simply saying it to free my soul. Not for some sort of religious belief. Simply for my peace. Hatred transforms you into it's slave. I know many hate me. I used to also hate many. I can't say I've suddenly forgiven everyone who harmed me, for that won't happen soon. No, I'm just giving up that envious hatred that had caged me and stressed me for too long. I've had a bad relationship and many high hopes. Many fairy tale-like dreams that motivated me to endure. But I was burned inside by repulsion for everything around me. I got used to feeling guilty for everything that went bad in the world. And it grew into a desire of destroying everything. Mixed feelings. Always.

No, it simply has no point. Why should I hate? So that I spend hours thinking how to harm someone? So that I can waste my energy and resources to the most childish plots of revenge? And what would I have gained? Feeling superior? No, just very empty and alone.

I don't plan on changing any of your thought about me. Have I mistaken to you? I shall face the outcome. I hate it when people don't take responsibility for their acts. But I just wish people would think out of the box for once. Everyone is so critic about other styles. What's with this stereotype ranking anyway? We all fall under a certain stereotype that is criticized by people in a different stereotype and it always gives birth to hatred and violence. What for? Does it really make you feel more intelligent?? It only made me feel fake and unfair. There's no being superior in your choice of preferred genre. The only superiority lies in allowing others to chose what they find best for themselves and understanding it's not for you to criticize. Beyond that point, it's simply a waste of precious time. Just think what useful things you could in the time you waste with hating others and trying to harm them! For one, you could try and make yourself better instead of seeking faults in others.

And the swearing! Oh, God, the swearing! I'm so sick of it! You all display your 'knowledge' in how many offending words you know and you are so proud of it! Is this really what this world has come down to? Throwing acid and poison all around you? Having a mouth and language dirtier than a trash bin? How can you not be ashamed of yourself?? How on Earth can you even see it as normal??

Yes, I know, I'm boring you. You don't even care anyway. You're so fixed on the idea that I am a bad person and I must be destroyed that you don't even see how you are poisoning yourself. For what? For my sake? For the sake of a mistake anyone could have made? For the sake of a few harmful words I might have misplaced? Or maybe for the sake of what you consider moral and right, even if you could be totally wrong and way too stuck up in your decisions, when it's a simple matter of subjectivity? Why? Honestly, why? For a person that we both might have cared for and from whom we never got enough in return? Or for the attention of someone important? Can't you see how meaningless it is? You're the ones that are really getting hurt and you know it, you can feel it. You're gathering more and more frustrations and anger and that's limiting you.

But I know, that's how people are today. At least in this part of the world. They all demand maximum censorship from everyone around them but applying none to themselves. Everyone says "oh, it's democracy, I can do and say whatever I want" but you are all forgetting the part with "as long as it doesn't hurt others". Few people still have ethics anymore. And I love those people. Those who know what opinions should be kept for one's self, because otherwise they'd offend and they are not necessary anyway since they are of subjective matter and exposing them wouldn't change anything else than creating more anger.

So with what impression should I leave this country? What should I tell the foreigners about this place? That 90% of it's inhabitants like hurting each other? That they promote only bad stuff, like drunk driving, crime and violence and deem justice and fair play as something worthy of losers? That people only care about one's exterior appearance and categorize you as stupid if they don't like the way you dress, talk, dance or whatever else might disturb them for not being made in the spirit of the sheep flock? That you make up this mass of goo, some sort of congestion of shallow people and criminals? Killing a soul is a bigger crime than killing a body. But you don't care anyway, yes, I know. You're too superior for that aren't you? You think you're pure enough to cast the stone because the mirror of your soul is broken and you see yourself distorted.

I never claimed to be perfect. Or a good person. I'm not, I have my faults, probably more than others. But don't I breath the same air as you do? You claim to be an evolved species, but you act like an animal biting to protect it's territory. It still won't change anything, even if you would bring me down to tears. You might just as well go through the same thing in some years from now and others might too. So wouldn't it be easier to just stop it? To put an end to all this silly hatred and focus on what's really important: being the human you can truly be? It would make you happier, you know?

But then again, why should you care? Or even bother. I have apologized, in my own complicated way. I have given up all the hard feelings. I am free. And happy.

The Story of an Almost-Bride

2009-06-04T19:29:00.006+03:00

They digged for my purity ever since. They ravished me with their sharp shovels in search for an ideal they couldn't see it was right in their nose...No, they seeked destruction for they can not stand the idea of a jewel they do not have...And they took pride in it, they called themselves messiahs of a true world, but how true is a world where we can't see beyond a mortal coil? How true is a world where you repress the feelings of a naive little girl for the sake of what some think to be the perfect vision preached by a God they don't even believe in?...

I was almost a bride, you know... so happy in my vision of the white dress. The veil was made of angel wings, I thought. And the frills - butterfly powder. But they all laughed in my face. They thought the dress was all that mattered to me. And they casted 10 thousand more stones. More each year, more each day... more each hour...

It might be years since then, it might be only hours. Who can tell how time flows really? Can you swear upon your soul that the man-made measure is what time is all about? What if I'd say time goes by heartbeats? Or by winks? Or by beats of bird wings? You'd all say I'm crazy, like you always did... I'm naive...

You think an angel can cry tears? No, I'm all coal and tar and broken dust... You took your dagger and put it through me, right here, where the heart is. Can you see the wound? Can you remember how you made it? Can you remember when? Or why?... But do you even care?

I was almost a bride, you know.... oh yes, how my eyes glistened at the dream while they were all casting stones at me. Oh, how my star shined it's rays through all my body while my skin was cracking and my eyes bleeding. Oh, how truly happy I was! Oh, how truly sad....

And I was almost a bride....still, that means I am not. And I shall never be for the stones you cast have pierced my star and made it a black hole... And they say they did it for you, my dearests, the ones to roam the void in search for more stones...but tell me, oh, Great Judge, why didn't they let me be a bride? I only needed one more year, one more day, one more hour....one more heartbeat, one more wink,one more beat of bird wings....one more life....

Rock pe Mures

2009-05-12T01:01:00.006+03:00

It's only 2 weeks left until out beloved annual Rock festival will begin :D (though, sadly, without the grand names promissed...)

The line-up is:

22nd May

Luna Amara
Kripton
Trapp
Grimegod
The Others
Legion
Ultimul Etaj

23rd May

Celelalte Cuvinte
Trigger
Locatarii
Loading Data
Calandrinon
Pecs
The Jojys

24th May

Narval
Pokolgep
Subscribe
Altar
Aria
Febosix

The concerts will take place at Port Arthur in Arad and will begin at 5pm.

If anyone from other cities/countries is interested in coming but isn't sure about how to find their way around the city, you may email me for directions at elixiumgothic@yahoo.com

Many of a Kind

2009-05-12T00:23:00.007+03:00

Since it's midnight and I'm printing my English term paper and it seems to be taking aaaages, I thought I'd give you a quick update on what has happened lately...

First of, I'm not sure how many of you know about Stern, a German photography magazine. Anyway, the thing is that they have 2 sites: Stern and View.Stern. On the first one, they have info about the magazine and other stuff and also exhibit some of the best photos from the other site, grouped on categories. The second site is for people to have accounts and upload their work (a sort of deviantART, but restricted to photography and photomanips). And people can nominate photos to be put in the gallery, but it's pretty hard to get a photo in the gallery. And sometimes, even better works get to be featured in the slideshow on the main page as well. The you can get in "the Spotlight" and even in the magazine, but that's much, much harder. And still, one of my photos was put in the gallery and as if that wasn't good enough, it was also featured on the main site as one of the top 12 nudes on their site!! From thousands of nude photos (if not even more), mine was chosen as the 10th best! And you can see that here. (So that's a big slap for those claiming I've got no talent whatsoever...well, the Germans disagree :) And you can go on blabbering how I actually paid them to feature my photo and how actually that site is a conspiracy to the whole idea of art and who intend to take over the whole world...oops, I forgot. Those kind of stuff don't happen there :) )

Anyway, leaving the irony aside and moving on to the next subject, I went on a trip to Hungary for the 1st of May. It was organized by Foto Club Arad in association with 2 photo clubs from there. We stayed for 3 days. Although I went as a photographer, I kind of left as a model. Meaning that I've done more posing than shooting. Well it's their fault! They shouldn't have put the visit to the cemetery in the program (I believe you can figure that I 'integrated' pretty well with my black corset and skirt...). The second day we had a 'nude shooting', they brought a model and held a small lesson on the subject. Pretty much, it was ok, although I felt extra among the other dudes with their fancy lens and angles. I felt a bit sorry for the model too, they kept telling her 'look here, look there, stand here, stand there' and it was confusing. But, of course, I ended up as a model too. Again. I had to sit beside the nude model (but I was dressed... for the contrast...so no worries there). But it was a fun experience and I loved it. Only nasty thing is that I received photos only from one person for now...and I want them alllll :D

Ok, last thing to bore you with for today, cause the printer is doing the last pages. I went to the Folk Fest on Saturday with Bia and Dya. I felt like going out with them, but there was nothing better to do, so we went to the concert (though I must say, I think the entry price was a bit too much for the show). So we just sat about and at 10 we decided to leave. But just when I was heading out, Adi Manolovici stopped me and asked me to stay at his table and see him perform later. Well I'm not sorry that I stayed, he is a very, very good guitarist. And I guess the 3 songs he played were the best of that evening, 'couse otherwise, folk is not my cup of coffee.

...

2009-04-30T22:30:00.003+03:00

Why do great people that are compatible with you always have to be so far away? Why can't they just be born in the same city with you?...

:-<

Only close to my heart is not close enough...

Good Stuff, Bad Stuff

2009-04-27T21:23:00.007+03:00

So the good stuff is that I went to Bucharest this Saturday and met with Astaroth, Emperor and Ralu(Funeral Angel). I had to wake up a 4 am and mom drove all the way to Timisoara, from where we took a plane. It was quite chilly in Bucharest and it rained a bit, but it was worth it. I had a good time. We went to the park (Cismigiu), snapped some photos and rented 2 boats on the lake. And then paddled like crazy. And snapped some more photos. :)) After that, we went on a "search" for a bar that was open. Well, bad luck for me, all were closed. It was too early. I think it's awkward that they only open after 5 pm. They open much earlier here in Arad.

I had gone with my mom, she had some business there and at about 4 pm she finished and came with us. But we still didn't have luck at finding an open bar so we went to a coffee shop. It was a rather lame coffee shop. It looked good, but the tea had no taste and the pie was dry, probably because it was old. Only the toast was tasty.

And that was kind of it. I wish I could have stayed more. But at 7 we had to go back to the airport. So yea, I was in the airport when the earthquake took place (I don't know why they presented it so dramatic in the news, it wasn't a big deal). I didn't even notice it was an earthquake. The only thing I had noticed was a sound resembling rocks and sand falling through the vent. It wasn't creepy, it's just that I'm paranoid.

But then the sad part of the story is that I'm even more disgusted by this country now. We didn't even get to the center of Bucharest that we got a fine. Why? Well my mom asked for 2 bus tickets for the center. The lady gave us some kind of card. And we got on a bus that was going to the North Railway Station (Gara de Nord). At the third station, some inspectors got on and asked for our tickets. Apparently, the card-ticket-whatever that was that we had - was not good for that bus. It was for some express line which had green check boxes and not orange ones. And they said that the Railway Station is not in the center. They gave us a huge fine and argued that the center is ONLY at the km 0 boundary stone, even 1 cm from there wasn't center anymore. Idiots...I don't get why they have to have different types of tickets. In western countries they have the same tickets for bus, tram and tube. And how should have we dreamt that the ticket we had wasn't good for that bus?? They should have wrote it somewhere. And since we payed exactly the same sum, what the hell did it matter what the ticked looked like?? But yea, it's Romania. They'll do anything to take your money...

Than another thing that pissed me off that day was on the way back. We were driving from Timisoara to Arad and at about half of the way, a truck got behind us. I don't know where he was hurrying like that, but he kept flashing us with the lights and honking. And we had a speed limit of 80 and that's how fast we were going. But he was riding so close behind us that it got me really scared. Such a schmack! Then finally he decided to exceed us and sped off to hell knows where.

Truck drivers are usually hazards because they are ignorant and stupid. Like the one that dances while driving. They've put the video on YouTube. And the comments that most Romanians left just proves how low is the intelligence in this country. Most of them said he was their hero, their idol. That he was just having fun (like hellooo, working isn't meant to be fun, that's what free time was invented for!). Or that he had "auto pilot" so he didn't have to pay attention all the time. Oh really? The why the hell do they still hire drivers? They should put the trucks on auto pilot and let them go by themselves if that software is so damn intelligent. I don't think that it could stabilize that huge car if it would hit a big hole or bump on the road or if it would hit an animal...or even if a tire exploded. I also don't think it could stop the truck if the car in front would hit the breaks out of a sudden. And it would end in disaster! Machines are never to be trusted, they must be always under human surveillance. Especially if they could kill innocent people!

So the conclusion is that this country disgusts me. I've been feeling like that for a very long time. That's why I want to leave. It's a jungle, not a society. It never promotes true values. On the contrary, if you do something out of the ordinary, something better, they will do their best to bring up only the mistakes. They will try to pull you back down. So why the hell should I be a martyr for a mob of idiots? Why should I eat up my nerves when others get high because of their relationships and not because of merit? And if you do succeed getting in somewhere, they'll say it was because of money, not because you worked hard. Then go ahead my dears, go there and offer them money, see if they take you in as well. I honestly doubt they would (and yes, this has got to do with the persons who said I was accepted at university because I paid...go on and pay them, see what happens. You'd probably get banned from all universities in the UK). The point is that I hate Romania and am not afraid to say it. I don't see why I should be damned for this since I didn't have a choice as to where I want to be born. I don't see why I should suffer daily and build up stress because of all the shit here when I can have something better. And yes, I'm selfish in this matter. I don't see why I shouldn't be, it's my life and if I can live it in a place where I know I'll be treated better, why not? I'm not saying the UK is heaven on Earth. But it certainly is better than this shit hole! If it wasn't for the few people that make the exception from the mass of stupid ignorants, I would have probably gone insane a long time ago...

Happy Easter!

2009-04-19T02:44:00.003+03:00

Happy Easter everyone! May fuzzy wuzzy bunnies visit you with many gifts! And good luck to our stomachs digesting all those boiled eggs :D

Butterflies and 13

2009-04-11T22:59:00.004+03:00

I saw a butterfly the other day. And then I noticed it was the only one I've seen this year. When I was younger, I used to see swarms of them at this time of the year. And now?? One!! One freakin' tiny butterfly. And besides that, it's way hotter than it should be. I'm baking in April. Then what am I going to do in July??? I am so upset about these climate changes right now... we've ended up having only Winter and Summer. Freakin' A. The cherry in my yard bloomed and you know how long lasted the flowers? One God damned week! Now they are growing fruits already. That is waaaay wrong. They used to last a month....

On a brighter side, I found the good part of superstitious people. When you take a cab home & the final sum is 13, the driver will only take 12. Teehee.

Oh and I checked the keywords yesterday. Apparently someone has been searching for my phone number...well, sorry, but you won't find it on google ^^ But just 'couse it's in theme with the post, I'll say it ends in 666. I chose it that way because I knew it would be interesting to see people's reactions when I tell them my number. And it is! What a delicious variety of reactions, indeed :D So now you can go and try to guess the other 5 digits, it's only 100.000 possibilities ^^ And you can go ahead and bitch about it, won't change the fact that I'm having fun with it >:)

Royal?!?

2009-04-05T16:59:00.007+03:00

So I've discovered a few years ago that I'm of royal descent, but didn't give it much attention until now... Apparently I'm the great-great-great-great-great-granddaughter of Countess Marie Jeanne Becu du Barry and Henri Lametz, a hairdresser with whom she had a relationship before becoming a courtesan. Most historical writings say that she probably had a daughter with him, but apparently she really did, otherwhise I wouldn't have been born. Because he had spent a lot of money on du Barry, which then got into a scandal with his mother, he had to flee to England, taking his daughter with him. There are also stories of a daughter of du Barry that was officially fathered by her uncle, Nicolas Becu, but in fact this wasn't so. Anyway, her daughter grew well in England and had 2 sons, one of them who tried to get back to France, but he couldn't make a decent and safe living there, so he went down to Romania and after 4 more generations, I was born :)

Just too bad that all evidence was burnt by Romanian officials. It just makes you veeeery happy, doesn't it? So all I had found was some pages of an old journal of my grandmother in her cellar that I could hardly read and almost crumpled completely in my hands and which ended up in the trash anyway (the cellar got flooded later that year and everything had to be taken out). But it's nice to know I'm the descendant of a countess. And I sort of resemble her, although the blonde hair and blue eyes got lost in the genetics long ago...but as for personality, I'm exactly the way she was.

Traffic Analysis

2009-03-22T17:56:00.011+02:00

'Couse it's fun :)

Keywords searched:

20	30.77%	alia noree yup, that's me
10	15.38%	alia noree blog you're at the right place :)
12	13.85%	http://noreek.blogspot.com wow...people actually know the url of my blog? kewl...
3	4.62%	elixium arad hah, yea, I should start a company...but it won't be Arad for much longer...
3	4.62%	hi5uri de vizualizat ([ro] hi5s to visit) mine? :P
2	3.08%	alia noree blogspot same as above...
2	1.54%	noree blogspot again...same as above...
1	1.54%	noree's blog yea...variations on the same theme
1	1.54%	haine goth ([ro] gothic clothes) what about them?
1	1.54%	cum im pot face singura o fustita ([ro] how can I make a skirt by myself) well...there are many ways...but mainly you need fabric, a needle and thread and a model...and preferably measurments too, it's quite hard to make it just by guessing...but you'd better look for patterns if you don't know how to make them
1	1.54%	goth girl of the week been there, done that :P
1	1.54%	cum pot cumpara pe internet produse claire's ([ro] how can I buy Claire's products on the internet) sorry to dissappoint you, but they don't sell on the internet. your best chance is to look for some on sites like Ebay and Amason, but they usually have only a few items
1	1.54%	corset gotic ([ro] gothic corset...but I think you could figure that out by yourself anyway) about 10 :P
1	1.54%	magazin claire's ([ro] Claire's store) the closest to Romania is in Austria...
1	1.54%	goth blog sort of...
1	1.54%	cel mai bun corset pentru imperfectiuni ([ro] best corset for imperfections) well that depends on what you consider an imperfection and what you have as ideal in your mind...there are waspies to make your waist minuscular, sweetheart shaped corsets that will also push your breasts up, stays to give you a flat front and conical shape... but the best ones are those with complete steel boning and at least 2 layers
1	1.54%	programe de spart hi5uri ([ro] software to hack hi5s) you're not gonna find anything like that here...go 'hack' somewhere else....silly hateful people....
1	1.54%	corset otel ([ro] stell corset) they're the best...but you won't find any decent one in Romania...
1	1.54%	www.alia-noree.co.nr well if you know the url why the hell do you have to search it on goolgle??

Visitors' home-countries:

473	94.60%	Romania
18	3.60%	Switzerland
3	0.60%	Germany
3	0.60%	Italy
1	0.20%	Canada
1	0.20%	Spain
1	0.20%	Malaysia

Visitors' home-cities:

93	18.60%	Timis	Romania
88	17.60%	Bucuresti	Romania
71	14.20%	Arad	Romania
52	10.40%	Galati	Romania
44	8.80%	Mehedinti	Romania
22	4.40%	Mures	Romania
21	4.20%	Cluj	Romania
19	3.80%	Satu Mare	Romania
12	2.40%	Braila	Romania
11	2.20%	Maramures	Romania
8	1.60%	Arges	Romania
7	1.40%	Hunedoara	Romania
6	1.20%	Aargau	Switzerland
6	1.20%	Dolj	Romania
6	1.20%	Olt	Romania
5	1.00%	Brasov	Romania
5	1.00%	Geneve	Switzerland
4	0.80%	Iasi	Romania
4	0.80%	Bihor	Romania
3	0.60%	Berlin	Germany
2	0.40%	Harghita	Romania

1	0.20%	Catalonia	Spain
1	0.20%	Kuala Lumpur	Malaysia
1	0.20%	Zug	Switzerland
1	0.20%	Valcea	Romania
1	0.20%	British Columbia	Canada
1	0.20%	Tulcea	Romania
1	0.20%	Sibiu	Romania
1	0.20%	Vaslui	Romania
1	0.20%	Bistrita-nasaud	Romania

Ok, so that's about it...very interesting huh? :P Anyway, before wrapping this up, I just want to let you know that my site is back up, still not finished but it's a bit of a different layout and it should work with IE too now

A Small Change

2009-03-19T16:15:00.003+02:00

As requested, from now I'll be posting in English so that foreigners can understand too. Maybe I'll translate older posts too some time. And I also changed the design.

Expo Art

2009-02-01T16:27:00.008+02:00

In data de 3 februarie sunteti asteptati la vernisajul expozititie mele de fotografii :)

Unde: Cafe Boheme, etajul I al Teatrului da Stat Arad
Cand: marti, 3 feb 2009, ora 18:00

Expozitia este intitulata "I Heard It All", iar tema este autoportrete gotice.

Be there! :)

P.S.: Am luat permisul! Yay! Acum mai tre doar o masina pe care sa o fac praf :)) "Licence to Kill", cum zice Devii (one of my best friends, this girl over here) :P

Cine-a zis ca 19 ianuarie e o zi proasta?

2009-01-21T23:54:00.005+02:00

Nu mai stiu cine a zis, dar stiu ca pentru mine nu a fost adevarat. In 19 ianuarie s-au intamplat lucruri importante...

Primul, am luat sala pt permis...luni e condusul, sper sa fie ok si acolo...apoi va trebui sa fiti mai atenti cand iesiti din casa, cine stie dupa ce colt o sa apar :)) Oricum, am fost mega happy, m-am tot stresat aiurea pt examenul asta, ca daca picam ce faceam?...trebuia sa dau iar si ar fi fost naspa...But I got it!

Al doilea lucru, am fost acceptata la faculta! Trebuie doar sa iau peste 8 la BAC. E vorba de Newport University of Wales, o facultate mare de arte intr-un orasel linistit construit langa un fost oras roman. Am fost acolo la interviu, m-au intrebat de ce vreau sa studiez la ei, ce fotografi imi plac, ce tipuri de fotografii, daca stiu sa folosesc programe de editat poze, mai multe intrebari despre cat de increzatoare sunt in abilitatile mele de a vorbi in engleza. Si au spus ca sunt buna la portrete. Cursul este defapt "Fashion and Advertising Photography" asa ca este perfect pt mine! Facultatea exista din 1911 si au parteneriat cu Nikon si Apple iar studentii primesc reducere la produse, ceea ce e grozav! Plus ca te introduc in piata fotografiei comerciale chiar de la inceput. E pur si simplu perfect!

Si despre cum a fost Anglia...well, am ramas cu fixatie pe "mind the gap", care era repetat incontinuu pe difuzoare in statiile de metrou si tren. Si pe ambalaje scria sa nu le manci ca nu au gust bun. La trecerile de pietoni scria "look left" si "look right"...deci sa fi oricat de aerian, acolo tot nu o sa ai dubii in legatura cu ce trebuie sa faci :)) Dar am ajuns sa vad si Camden Market, am facut un mini shopping, m-am holbat la un colier cu rubine in aeroport (costa 2000euro, asa ca am ramas cu sechele :P ) si am dormit intr-un pat foarte pufos. Deci a fost bine! :P

Goth Girl of the Week

2008-11-09T22:09:00.008+02:00

Proud proud proud!

From all the goth models on the huge internet and from all the countries in this world, I got chosen The Goth Girl of this Week :D So head over there and read the interview. I hope no one will get upset over what I said there, it's just my oppinnion that I formed from personal experience. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right. No need to judge it. Just read it.

And this shall be remembered as a great day in the history of the romanian goth-ness....or not... :))

p.s.: colored words are links!! just so you know...

Dysfunctional Doll Clothing, My Site & TOEFL

2008-10-18T15:57:00.010+03:00

So...moar news :D

First of all (the biggest news, I'd say), Dysfunctional Doll Clothing has chosen me to model for them. Only one picture for now, maybe there will be more in the future :)

I have also started working on my personal web site, there still is a lot to do, but I have uploaded what I did so far: http://www.alia-noree.co.nr/

As a last news, I got my TOEFL results (English exam for university): 111 points out of 120! I am really proud, considering that in Arad no one had gotten over 107 points until now.

Long Short Update

2008-09-07T22:52:00.012+03:00

In primul rand, ca sa nu mai tot intrebati, da, mi-a fost spart si sters hi5ul. No biggie. O sa il refac incetul cu incetul.

In al doilea rand, am primit un DD (Daily Deviation) la stockul de pe deviantart. Me freakin' proud! :D Si poza respectiva a ajuns intre cele mai populare 120 poze de stock female full body din toate timpurile!!
Ea e vinovata: Contesse 27 by Noree-stock

In rest, lumea inca se cearta in viata virtuala.

Trecand la RL (real life), am fost in Austria la sfarsitul lui august. Am stat o saptamana intr-un orasel de munte. Deci activitatile au constat in mare in urcat pe munte, mers prin ploaie si devenit un burete suprasaturat, urcat pe bicicleta pante de 17% si facut hiperventilatie si aproape lesinat...deci da, activitati in aer liber. Si adunat cateva frustrari pt ca femei de 70 de ani se miscau pe munte mai repede decat mine (I'm a city girl, what do you expect?), frustrari pt ca uniformele lor de scoala sunt superbe (fetele poarta un fel de vesta-corset neagra...la noi iti da o cravata si un amarat de sacou fara pic de bun gust...ca doar deh, tre sa fim sobri! eleganti! prezentabili! pffff)
Am fost o zi in Salzburg si una in Gmunden. La "shopping". Nu am cumparat prea multe, nu prea aveam ce. Si am facut si poze. Nu cu mine. Cu rate si lebede. Si am mancat inghetata si prajituri in fiecare zi. Da, ar fi fost paradisul pe pamant daca era si Dany cu mine. Si daca exista si un magazin de haine goth pe acolo. Cel din Gmunden devenise magazin de tablouri. La cel din Salzburg nu am ajuns. Era departe de centru. Foarte departe. Pacat. Dar totusi, nu ma pot plange, am gasit magazin Claire's (rezultand in 2 coliere si o pereche de manusi in plus la colectia mea...slab, trebuie sa recunosc), iar la C&A am gasit o fustita alba super cute cu 5euro (I iz lucky with sales :D ), o pereche de cercei superbi (tot 5euro) si un costum de baie intreg, negru cu tinte (12 euro cred). Da, ador reducerile! Ador magazinele care au mereu lucruri ieftine, uneori gasesti haine si bijuterii mult faine acolo decat la un magazin super-scump. Dar se stie.
La intoarcere am oprit o ora in Parndorf. Dar am stat doar o ora jumate si nu mi-am luat nimic. Asta pt ca m-am enervt pe un corset al carui model il adoram, dar imi era prea mic. Nu era intr-un magazin gothic, era intr-un sex shop :D (trebuie sa recunosc, sex shopurile lor nu se compara cu al nostru (ma refer la cel din Arad, restu nu stiu cum sunt)). Si mi-ar fi placut sa mai stau, sa cumpar ceva. Aveau si corsete cu boning complet de otel (scumpe ca de obicei) si cu boning de plastic si busk in fata (pret acceptabil, modele frumoase), dar si alte haine (ce-i drept, majoritatea pt dormitor only) si modele de ciorapi care m-au facut sa salivez (me, the stocking obsessed). Restul obiectelor nu contau. Poate nist catuse de piele :P Dar am plecat cu mana goala. Nu e o tragedie nici asta. Mereu exista ebay pt consolare :)) (si, de multe ori, un dram de frustrare cand iti dai seama ca nu poti sa cumperi atat si ca americanii sunt ai naibii de norocosi pt taxele mici de transport).
Ok, gata, nu va mai plictisesc. Oricum, who cares what I did in Austria? Who cares about their sex shops (mmm...ok...erase that last sentance...and stop calling me a pervert!! so what if I like fetish and bdsm? It wom't leave my bedroom anyway.It won't be anyone else but the one I love anyway. So yu can't say it's THAT wrong...maybe just a little :P )

Acum serios gata! Mai zicdoar atat, pt cei interesati, in 27 si 28 septembrie e expozitie chinologica pe Strandul Neptun. Eu probabil o sa prezint un greyhound duminica. Sambata nu voi fi vazuta pe acolo, am de dat TOEFLul. Hope I score high! (couse then I'm gonna get a notebook (the kind that looks like a mini laptop i mean) \:D/ )

18th Party

2008-08-22T00:56:00.014+03:00

Nu am apucat sa scriu mai rapid despre petrecere, dar profit acum de micul moment in care nu am nimic mai bun de facut.

Concluzia generala a fost: super-mega-giga party, best majorat ever. Macar atat, pe langa marele gol lasat in buzunar si cateva dezamagiri personale (dar care cred ca se vor rezolva relativ curand).

Deci ziua a inceput linistit, pe la ora 2 pierdeam vremea pe net, iar baietii se ocupau de ultimele boxe de bagat in priza. La 4 jumate am mers la coafor, m-am prajit o ora intreaga cu bigudiurile in cap sub casca, am rasfoit vreo 4 reviste cu frizuri de toate felurile, m-am chinuit sa vorbesc la tel cu o ureche afara.

Asa ca toate cele bune, freza era pe placul meu. Ajunsa acasa, am bagat ce-a mai mare viteza de care am fost in stare, m-am impiedicat de nu stiu cate ori, trantit cu lucrurile in toate partile, aruncat claie peste gramada in geanta lucrurile necesare si eram gata sa plec. Am intarziat vreo 10min, dar no big deal. Au cantat si No Sound, eu m-am chinuit sa ridic lumea in piciore (desi numa pe jumate i-am convins) si am dansat (a.k.a. dat din cap si tzupait si cantat).

La 12 au adus tortul (18 butterflies on it, din care unul a ajuns sa isi duca veacul in parul meu pt restul noptii) si sampania. Chocolate cake and champagne...mmm, tasty!

Si pe la 3 lumea a inceput sa plece...si am mai ramas vreo 6 care am vegetat pe canapelepana pe la 5jumate. La 7 am plecat la Dany, sa nu ma duc acasa asa devreme, oricum nu aveam chef, iar la 10 am tait-o spre casa. Si apoi am dormit pana seara.

Cam asta a fost. Oricum, important e ca lumea s-a distrat. Si acum, poze:

Si sa nu uitam de invitatiile cu design propriu (proud of them!):

Should we or should we not?

2008-08-14T01:22:00.004+03:00

Ok, se pare ca ideile mele filozofice despre societate si moralitate dau iar pe afara... and I need a clear mind for my party (did I already say I'm expecting it to be the best day of my life (until I get married :P )? I think I did somewhere...)...so anyway...here are some more of my oh so great "debitari lipsite de interes". Sau whatever...call them anything...

Deci...geting to the point...cand am devenit toti mari filozofi? Cand am devenit eu mare filozof? Da, ok, ma mai gandeam si inainte ce ar fi daca sau daca si de ce asa si nu asa...dar nici in halul asta! Imi ajungea sa privesc visatoare spre cer, sa ma dau pe hinta si sa ma invart pana cadeam pe iarba, ca o copila ce nu s-a maturizat niciodata (da, da, romantica incurabila, that's me)...sau poate abia scoasa de la sanatoriu...dar oricum, I was god damn happy! Ce dracu imi pasa cum se imbraca tipa care mergea in fiecare seara in club sau cat de josnica era "curva orasului"? Ce dracu imi pasa ce gen de muzica asculta majoritatea romanilor? Ce dracu imi pasa ce ziceau altii despre mine? Ca sunt nebuna, aeriana, demodata, ciudata si toate cele. So what?!?! I was god damn happy!!! Acum toata ziua e numa palavrageala: eu contra eu. Argumente peste argumente, motive peste motive. Si la ce concluzii ajung mereu? Ca oamenii se inchid singuri in propriile lor principii. Se limiteaza singuri. Si se limiteaza in directia gresita. Se face atata tam-tam pt o fustita scurta, dar faptul ca putini oameni mai pot fi fideli partenerilor abia daca mai starneste vreo reactie. Nu. E ok sa iesi cu 10 odata. Dar nu e ok sa arati putina piele. Toti critica senzualitatea si atragerea atentiei. Dar nimeni nu critica lipsa de iubire si inselatul. Desigur, daca rujul tau e putin mai rosu decat nuanta acceptata de societate ca fiind "morala" si "etica", imediat esti catalogata drept curva. Sau cum e la moda sa le numesti mai nou, pitzipoanca. Daca recunosti ca vrei sa duci o viata buna si sa ai destul bani cat sa traiesti ceva mai mult decat decent (sa imit permiti o vacanta in strainatate anual) si vrei o slujba din care sa castigi destul, imediat esti pitzipoanca (nu ma refer la a-ti face poze cu banii, aia chiar e aiurea, ci la a recunoaste ca vrei mai mult). Eh, totul e aiurea. Nu poti sa iei o bluza mai decoltata fara sa fluiere "barbatii" dupa tine pe strada (da, barbati in ghilimele, ca nu ii pot numi barbati cu adevarat cand se comporta asa). Ei cred ca daca expui un pic de piele inseamna ca au dreaptul sa te considere o jucarie sexuala, un simplu corp cu multiple gauri ce pot fi folosite in multiple moduri. Nu, sa nu cumva sa se gandeasca la faptul ca mi-e cald si ca ma imbrac asa pt ca ma simt bine si nicidecum sa se holbeze la mine. Si ajung la concluzia ca barbatii de genul sunt primitivi. Cam toti sunt. Sa fim seriosi, nu cred ca exista barbat sa nu fi salivat macar o data la o poza cu o tipa goala si perfectionata in photoshop mai mult sau mai putin.

So what's the point? you'll ask. Well...none. Exista tipuri si tipuri de oameni, fiecare cu preferintele lui, cu ideile lui despre ce e moral si ce e nu. Si ma refer mai mult la cei cu varste cuprinse intre 16 si 30 de ani. Da, de obicei astia sunt geniile. Si trebuie sa recunoastem, asta e perioada in care hormonii au ceam mai intensa activitate. Tot corpul are cea mai intensa activitate. Deci toti suntem zei, toti suntem atot-stiitori, toti aruncam critici in jur ca doar nimeni nu ne egalazeaza in talente si puteri si cunostinte si atunci ne simtim cel mai bine cand ii jignim pe cei din jur si ii facem sa se simta inferiori. Pur si simplu nu ne putem abtine sa nu comentam chiar daca e voba si despre o suvita care sta cu un milimetru mai la dreapta decat ar trebui ca sa fie perfect. Vanam o perfectiune care nu exista, care am creat-o cu mintile noastre insetate de suprematie si pentru care facem o adevarata obsesie. Si sa indrazneasca o geana sa nu fie in unghiul potrivit, caci vom taia tot capul ca sa remediem "dezastrul".

Ei bine, eu renunt! Renunt sa mai caut imperfectiuni, absurditati si exagerari. Renunt sa le vad. Prefer sa ma prefac ca nu exista pt ca, defapt, ele chiar nu exista, sunt doar o inventie a mintii mele plina de prejudecati. Prefer sa ignor. Sa fiu "oarba" si "naiva". Mult mai bine asa. Pt ca sunt satula de oameni care cred ca stiu cum ar trebui sa ma comport, cum ar trebui sa arat, cum ar trebui sa gandesc. De fapt nu stiu nimic. E o lume virtuala. Stiu atat cat ii las eu sa stie. Sau mai aud barfe si zvonuri inventate de diversi si imediat saliveaza ca un caine care vede un os. Oh da, ce bine e sa barfesti, ce bine e sa urasti. Pt mine nu e. Ma scarbeste atitudinea asta. Dar ce pot face. Oamenii sunt prea incapatanati ca sa te asculta atunci cand iti vor raul. Nu te baga in seama. Si de ce ar face-o? Se simt bine urandu-te, dorindu-ti moartea in cele mai dureroase moduri. Ce le pasa lor ca esti o fiinta ca si ei, care are sentimente. Le pasa de sentimentele tale doar intr-atat incat stiu ca te pot face sa suferi. Si bineinteles, toti te cred un monstru hidos ce trebuie eradicat de dragul societatii. Oh da, sunteti plini de prejudecati. Iar mie nu imi mai pasa. Nu imi mai pasa de fete roz cu botul tuguiat si curve, de tipi gay si transvestiti, de cersetori si vagabonzi, de tocilari si de toate stereotipurile create din prejudecati. Puneti-ma in ce categorie vreti. Gasiti-mi cate defecte vreti. La urma urmei, doar eu stiu ce sunt cu adevarat. Si doar persoanele care ma cunosc personal si de care sunt foarte apropiata (iar astea sunt foarte putine) sunt singurele care vad in spatele acelor prejudecati si ma respecta pe mine, omul, femeia. Si doar ei au dreptul sa ma critice. Si doar ei o fac cu bunatate. Restul sunt doar un vant rece de iarna. Iti ingheata oasele, dar primavara uiti total de el.

Olds & News

2008-08-12T00:30:00.014+03:00

So...starting with the olds....

Am fost la Artamania. Both days. Yepi! Loved it! Cel mai mult mi-au placut Tiamat, Leave's Eyes si Atrocity (mai ales ca abia am asteptat sa cante Shout). Lacrimosa m-au cam dezamagit. Au fost ok, au cantat bine, dar nu m-au facut sa imi doresc sa ma zbengui (cum s-a intamplat la Tiamat) si am preferat sa stau rezematat de gard si sa mai cant cu ei. Poate a fost din cauza oboselii. O noapte nedormita inainte, vreo 8 ore pe tren plus zbenguiala e putin prea mult pt mine. Nu sunt obisnuita cu asa ceva. Dezamagirea poate a venit si din cauza faptului ca toti ii laudau cat sunt de grozavi si ma asteptam la ceva mult mai deosebit. My bad. Iar dupa concerte am fost cu Ale si Sorin (Darkquette si Grimsun) "prin oras". Adica in prima seara am fost la ceva terasa unde am stat jumatate de ora sa ne ia comanda, desi nu era multa lume, iar pe mine ma tot picura in cap de marginea umbrelei (hehe, nu aveam cum sa ma mut). A doua zi am fost in crama (people came, people left), iar eu am mancat paine cu untura (simple yet tasty) si am baut o cana de vin. Si am chat-uit mult. :P

Poza (from day 1):

And now some news:

1. Joi e sarbatoare! 1 an jumate since I'm with Dany :D (yepi for us!)

2. Sambata e iar sarbatoare. Imi tin majoratul. Can't wait! O sa cante No Sound, o sa am un tort pe etaje si inca ma gandesc daca sa cumpar si artificii :P Well anyway, it's gonna be a hell of a party! Fancy dresses (a mea e cu corst si crinolina >:) si sper sa incap pe usa =)) ), invitatii cu model de panza de paianjen, locatie super (desene cu castele si vampiri pe pereti - cine stie, stie) , lots of food and drinks (Snakebite and Black Velvet made by my love - delicios) si desigur muzica de dat din cap :P Anyway, I think it's gonna be great! Can't wait! :D